


Reversed Roles

by imagining_supernatural



Series: Reversed Roles [1]
Category: Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Cheating, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Implied Sexual Content, Implied Smut, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kidnapping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-01-07 16:58:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 32,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12236970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imagining_supernatural/pseuds/imagining_supernatural
Summary: The reader is Jared Padalecki’s little sister. She’s finishing filming a movie and Jared tries to convince her to take a role on his show.





	1. Chapter 1

          “Please,” you begged, tears mixing with the relentless rain. “Please, don’t go.”

          Regretful determination painted his expression. He’d made his decision. “You know that I love you. But I can’t just sit around while the rest of my crew risks their lives. The world is counting on me.”

          “It’s too dangerous.” Why could he not understand that? This was a suicide mission, and for what? A world that was on the brink of disaster anyway? A world that scorned him? You twisted your freezing fingers in his soaking shirt, pulling him closer. He needed to see reason. “You don’t owe these people  _anything_.”

          Water trailed down every inch of his gorgeous face, making the moment more poignant. The cold sting of the raindrops anchored you. He carefully extracted himself from your grip, face hardening. “It doesn’t matter what they’ve done to me, Astrid. Helping them is the right thing to do.”

          It was like a switch had flipped in you. You loved this man, but he couldn’t care less. All he could care about was getting these horrible, selfish people to like him. Taking a heated step back, your lips started trembling in anger. “Fine. Just know that if you step on that ship, I won’t be waiting for you if you get back.”

          Head bowed, he took in your words and without another sound, turned on his heel. The love of your life walked away from you, leaving you desolate in the beginning of a hurricane.

          “Aaaannd cut!” The director’s voice echoed through the set. As it always did, shock settled through you when the lights came on, water stopped, and movement happened. “Great job everyone. That’s a wrap for today.”

          Someone wrapped a towel around your shoulders. Normally you would make sure to see who gave you the towel, learn their name, and thank them. But the shock of coming out of character for that scene hit you really hard and it was all you could do to focus on the director when he came over to talk to you and your costar. “Really great job you two. Some of your best work. Go home and get a good night’s sleep. You earned it, and we have an early call tomorrow. Last day.”

          Your costar, Haden Faulkner, wrapped his arm around your shoulders and escorted you to your trailers. “Tough shoot?”

          “Wasn’t this supposed to be a rom-com?” You tried to joke. You and Hayden had starred in enough movies together that you were close friends. Somehow, despite all the stage kisses and sex scenes, romance had never really been an option between you two in real life. Sure, rumors abounded, but friends was all you two were.

          “Maybe if you weren’t so good at these emotional scenes, they’d stop writing them for you, Padalecki.”

          Elbowing him, you slipped out from under his arm and started up the steps to your trailer. Pausing at the door, you looked down at him. “See you tomorrow?”

          “Dark and early,” Hayden groaned, heading for his own trailer.

          It only took you a moment to grab your things and head to where your driver was waiting. Once in the car, you took out your phone and sent a text to your sister-in-law.

          Y/N:  _Hot white chocolate?_

          Gen:  _Only if you tell me about it._

          Y/N:  _Deal_.

          Thankfully, your latest movie was being shot in Vancouver, so you managed to convince Jared to let you stay with him, and Gen to come live in Canada with the boys. You loved acting, but it was hard to be away from your family so often. And the mindsets that you sometimes had to get into for your characters came home with you at night. Being able to talk to Gen helped you remember who Y/N was apart from your character.

          Before you knew it, you were pulling up to the house. Thanking David, your driver, you dragged yourself into the main house and to the kitchen where Jared and Gen were sitting around three mugs of steaming hot cocoa.

          “The love of my life just left me to go on a suicide mission to save a group of people who hate his guts,” you summed up before either of them could say anything. “Sounds an awful lot like Conner, doesn’t it?”

          Conner was your crappy ex-boyfriend who left you in hopes that he could make it big in the music world and impress the obviously fake music producer. Last you heard, he had moved back in with his parents, so he got his just desserts.

          Genevieve slid your mug across the table. “I bet your director loved you in that scene, though.”

          “Oh yeah,” you said bitterly. “I was in fine form. Tomorrow we’re filming the last scene. This one should be funny, so it’ll be a good last day. Anyway, how were your days? Did the boys behave?” You cast a sly look at your brother, “And did your boys misbehave?”

          It was no secret in your family that you had a crush on half the cast of Supernatural. Jensen, Misha, Ruth, Brianna, Mark…

          “Actually,” Jared shared a look with his wife. You took a drink of Gen’s amazing white chocolate hot chocolate and waited for whatever story he was about to tell. The strangest things happened on the set of Supernatural. Sure, you had some great stories from your various rom-com sets, but nothing remotely compared to the antics that went on with that cast. “How set are you on taking some time off after this movie?”

          “Pretty set,” you said slowly, unsurely. “Why?”

          Jared took a deep breath and you tensed. He was never this serious. “One of the actresses quit. Her first scene was supposed to be next week, but she got in a car accident and can’t do it. While everyone was trying to figure out what to do, I… I might’ve mentioned… that you… you don’t have anything going on after this week.”

          “You what?” You nearly screamed, but managed to keep your voice down so you wouldn’t wake the boys. “Why would you do that?”

          “Look, I know it’s not a rom-com, but it’s good to branch out. I talked to your agent and she agrees that—“

          “You talked to Nevaeh? Before you talked to me? Jared, why would you do that?”

          “I think it’ll be good for you,” Gen tried to mediate. “But you can always say no, too.”

          Jared leaned forward and grabbed one of your hands. “It’s just one episode. But… for the sake of transparency, this is one of those characters that could turn into more of a regular. Especially with what you would bring to her. The fans would love you. It’s different from your usual roles. And we’d get to spend more time together.”

          You just stared at him like he’d grown a second head. This was the brother who tried everything to get you out of acting. After what happened when you were younger, Jared had wanted you to take a nice, safe, boring job behind a desk. Now he was trying to land you a role on his TV show that could turn into a regular thing. “You’ve finally cracked, haven’t you?”

          “Just think about it, okay? Phil, McG, Jeremy… they’re all thinking of other options if you say no, but everyone really likes this idea. They want you to come on set on Friday and read with some of the cast to see if you’ll really be a good fit. That gives you four days.”

          “You’re crazy,” you repeated, running a hand through your still damp hair. “Fine. I’ll think about it.  _After_  I get through tomorrow.”

          “That’s all I can ask for, little sister,” Jared grinned and sat back, finishing his hot chocolate. You and Gen chatted about the boys for a while before you excused yourself to go to sleep. After all, you had a long day tomorrow.

* * *

          “Who are you and how the hell did you find me?” You growled, pressing your knife closer to the intruder’s neck.

          “Find you? Sweetheart, I don’t even know who you are,” the man had his hands out to the side, but there was no fear in his eyes. Only wariness. “How about you put away your blade and we have a nice little chat?”

          “Seems like we’re doing just fine chatting right now.”

          The intruder rolled his eyes. “I don’t have time for this,” he mumbled.

          “There’s gonna be a little fight/power struggle right here,” a voice said off to the side. “Then Dean’s gonna come out on top…”

          You got on the floor and Jensen took the prop from your hand, pressing it against your throat. Then it was Dean who smirked down at you. “First thing you should know about me, sweetheart? I’m always on top.”

          Oh, really now?

          “Y/N you’re gonna—”

          You’d taken some self-defense classes. And Jensen wasn’t expecting it, so it was easy to flip him onto his back. A little fumble later and you had the knife again. Your character, Quinn, smiled down at Dean. “Looks like we’re gonna have a problem, then.”

          There was a beat of silence before some started clapping. Jensen grinned up at you and you hopped off of him, helping him to his feet. “I think you’ve been in the wrong genre, Y/N. You were amazing.”

          “Thank you,” you curtsied, hoping to hide your blush at his praise. Turning to the directors, you waited for their decision. They looked at each other meaningfully before Robert spoke. “Jensen’s right. You fit right in. The role’s yours if you want it.”

* * *

          Jensen led you onto set and you stood back with him while Jared and Misha finished shooting their scene. You hadn’t had many opportunities to see your brother in character in person, only when you watched his show on TV. Seeing him become Sam took your breath away. Your brother wasn’t in this room anymore; it was all Sam Winchester.

          Then Misha broke a smile and both of them almost fell over laughing. Jared kept pointing at Misha, wheezing something teasing in between laughter.

          Jensen rested a hand on your back and grinned. “C’mon. I’ll introduce you to  _my_  brother.”

          Besides Jensen, you’d ran lines with Mark and Ruth. Your character wasn’t a hunter, but she had some know-how and, in the few scenes you’d read, seemed like she got herself in bad situations just as much as the Winchesters seemed to.

          “Hey guys,” Jensen called across the set. “Wanna meet the newest actress?”

          Jared saw you and his face cracked an automatic smile. “Seriously? You’re gonna do it?”

          He gathered you in a hug before you could object, not that you would. You returned the hug just as fiercely. “Dude, this character is so badass. I couldn’t say no.”

          “Welcome to Supernatural, little sis.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Half of this series is just scenes that sound like fun to write that don’t really have anything to do with the story. I’m not even gonna apologize about that because I’m having so much fun. Also, I love Danneel, but for the sake of this series, Jensen is definitely single.

          “They’ve got us surrounded,” Dean panted. You’d been running from the FBI for nearly half an hour. How they managed to keep up with two people trained to stay hidden was a mystery, but that didn’t change the fact that they would be on top of you any minute. Even this crowded street wouldn’t be enough to hide you and Dean. Your eyes skipped over the crowd, searching for anything that could help. Besides a few teenagers, some elderly, and a couple making out right in the middle of the sidewalk, there wasn’t anyth—

          You snaked your hand around Dean’s neck and pulled his lips down to yours. After all, public displays of affection always made people’s gaze pass right over you.

          You always prided yourself in not getting caught up in stage kisses. You were professional. It was work, and that was it.

          But as soon as your lips met Jensen’s, you were completely floored. It was like the universe glitched for a second, freezing. Then it sped up impossibly fast when Jensen’s hands came up to frame your face and he kissed you back.

          Pulling back, you two stared into each other’s eyes, confusion warring with… was that actual desire in his eyes? Had he felt it too? Or was he just acting?

          Acting.

          Shit.

          You had the first line. You glanced around the crowded street, trying to get back into character. The FBI were nowhere to be found. “That, uh, that did the trick.”

          Jens-Dean still didn’t release his hold on your waist. That wasn’t in the script, but no one was yelling cut, so you had to play it out.

          “We’re safe for now, Dean.” Hearing Dean’s name seemed to shake Jensen from wherever his mind had been. “But we should probably get moving.”

          “Right,” Dean cleared his throat and stepped back. He rubbed the back of his neck, glancing anywhere but you. “This way.”

          “Cut!” You glanced at the directors, who all had their heads together, whispering about what you assumed to be the scene. This was the first scene you were shooting, and of course you would mess up. That didn’t really surprise you. But Jensen had messed up too.

          “Sorry about that,” he murmured an apology.

          Jensen was your best friend’s brother. He should be off-limits. But what could a little harmless flirting do? “For the kiss or the freeze-up? Because I think both went fine.”

          His eyes darted to yours and a ghost of a smile haunted his lips—lips that you’d just kissed.

          “Alright, so that wasn’t really in the script,” one of the directors came over, demanding your attention. “But we kinda liked it. We need a few more shots of that scene then we’ll be done here.”

          “Ready to make out some more?” You wiggled your eyebrows, trying to lighten the atmosphere. Your makeup artist, Angela, hurried up to retouch your face.

          Jensen laughed. “Let’s give them a show.”

          “Places!” You and Jensen walked around the corner, hiding from view of camera. “And action!”

          Dean ran out first, closely followed by you. You counted your steps then glanced behind you just as Dean stopped. Literally running into him, you stumbled back a step before looking around. Suits were coming at you from all angles.

          “They’ve got us surrounded,” Dean panted. You’d been running from the FBI for nearly half an hour. How they managed to keep up with two people trained to stay hidden was a mystery, but that didn’t change the fact that they would be on top of you any minute. Even this crowded street wouldn’t be enough to hide you and Dean. Your eyes skipped over the crowd, searching for anything that could help. Besides a few teenagers, some elderly, and a couple making out right in the middle of the sidewalk, there wasn’t anyth—

          You snaked your hand around Dean’s neck and pulled his lips down to yours. After all, public displays of affection always made people’s gaze pass right over you.

          Again, Jensen’s lips seemed to ignite yours, then he wrapped an arm around your back and dipped you suddenly. The unexpected movement elicited a squeal from you as you wrapped your arms around his neck for stability and laughed against his lips.

          “Jensen,” someone resignedly said. That person was used to the antics around here, apparently.

          Jensen held one arm out, and you opened your eyes just to see him holding up a finger for  _one minute_. Your laughter grew, though the hilarity of the situation did nothing to calm the fire in your veins. Finally, Jensen pulled you back upright. You pulled back, trying to restrain your smile. “That, uh, that did the trick.”

          “Cut!”

          “Right,” Jensen grinned down at you, ignoring the end of the scene. He glanced around before grabbing your hand and tugging you the opposite way you were supposed to go with a shit-eating grin. “This way!”

          When you saw he was pulling you toward one of the hotel fronts, your laughter burst forward again.

          “Good god,” you heard someone mutter by the cameras. “What were we thinking, having  _two_ Padaleckis on set?”

* * *

          “You’re making a mistake,” you growled at the FBI agent who was holding a gun to your head. The handcuffs they’d locked on your wrists limited your options. You had no choice but to wait, hope, and pray that Crowley would keep his part of the deal.

          “Don’t speak,” the agent commanded.

          Did that ever work on you? “Where is she? Where is my sister, you sick son of a bitch?”

          A cruel smile crossed his face and your stomach dropped. “No,” you couldn’t breathe. “No. She can’t be… She’s not dead!”

          You yelled and launched yourself at the agent. His gun discharged and you jerked as the bullet hit your shoulder. What was pain, though, when this man had killed your sister? You pushed forward and grappled to get ahold of his gun. As soon as the weight of the weapon was in your hand, you pointed it at his heart and fired.

          But he didn’t drop. He just grinned and took a step forward. You unloaded the entire cartridge into his chest, but it didn’t do a thing.

          “What the…”

          Suddenly, there was a figure behind him and the tip of a blade was pushed through him, silver gleaming under the red blood. You looked from the surprised face of the agent to the face that you’d made a deal with in a dark, dingy bar.

          “Wh-wh-where did you come from?” You pointed the gun at Crowley, hands shaking. Blood dripped from your shoulder to the floor. “Answer me!”

          “Now, now, doll. I just saved your life. Is this any way to repay me?” Crowley strolled around the body, pausing only to clean the strange looking blade on the clothes of the fallen FBI agent. “Besides, if that didn’t work on him, what makes you think it’s gonna work on me?”

          You didn’t have any bullets left. You were still in handcuffs. You were out of options. “ _What_  are you?”

          Holding his hands out to the side theatrically, Crowley bowed slightly. “King of Hell. That FBI impersonator on the floor was a shifter. Shape shifter.”

          “Y-You’re lying. This is a joke.”

          “Cut!”

          “So you’re telling me that when Jared was a kid, he accidentally set your house on fire?” Mark continued your conversation from before that take.

          “Technically, it was just part of the living room, but I’m talking firetrucks, police cars, ambulances, the whole nine yards.” You laughed at the memory. “It wasn’t even that big of a fire, but we weren’t allowed to stay home alone for years after that.”

          “Reset. We’re going from your entrance, Mark. Y/N, remember, you met Crowley before this. He promised to help you get your sister back in exchange for your soul. You’ve got the disbelief part down, but there should be a little bit of acceptance too. It’s not like this is coming out of the blue for Quinn.”

          Nodding your understanding, you picked up the gun and allowed someone to put the handcuffs back on you. Brent, the shifter/FBI agent took his place.

          “Action!

          You unloaded the entire cartridge into his chest, but it didn’t do a thing. “What the…”

          Suddenly, there was a figure behind him and the tip of a blade was pushed through him, silver gleaming under the red blood. You looked from the surprised face of the agent to the face that you’d made a deal with in a dark, dingy bar.

          “Wh-wh-where did you come from?” You pointed the gun at Crowley, hands shaking. Blood dripped from your shoulder to the floor. He hadn’t been there a moment ago.  _You’ll get ten years with your sister. Ten long years._  What kind of a man made deals for souls then seemed to just appear behind the man who was about to kill you? None of this made any sense. You jerked the gun and yelled, “Answer me!”

          “Now, now, doll. I just saved your life. Is this any way to repay me?” Crowley strolled around the body, pausing only to clean the strange looking blade on the clothes of the fallen FBI agent. There was no regret in his eyes. Killing wasn’t a big deal to this man. “Besides, if that didn’t work on him, what makes you think it’s gonna work on me?”

          You didn’t have any bullets left. You were still in handcuffs. You were out of options. All you could do was trust this… man? What kind of a man was able to teleport? “ _What_  are you?”

          “Cut! Beautiful, you guys. That’s a wrap.”

          “Good, I’m  _starving_ ,” you slipped out of the cuffs and headed to where Jared and Jensen were waiting. “I need McDonalds.”

          “We’ve got a scene in half an hour,” Jared said, motioning to Jensen.

          You grinned. “Well, I’m done for the day. Perks of not being the star. I like this gig. I’ll go pick something up for you guys if you want something.”

          They gave you their orders and you started to leave, but Jared grabbed your arm. He jerked his head at Jensen who left you two alone with raised eyebrows. Then Jared pulled you closer so your conversation would be private. “You doing okay? I forgot this show is a little more intense than your usual gigs.”

          “I’m actually really good, Jare.” You assured him, touched at his concern. He may be your annoying older brother, but he was a good brother when it counted. “I don’t know if it’s the cast, crew, being on a TV show instead of a movie or what, but it’s good. Really.”

          Jared’s eyes crinkled when he smiled down at you. “Good. You’ll let me know if you ever need a break?”

          “It’s only eight days. I’ll be fine.” He stared stonily at you until you gave in. “But I’ll let you know. Promise.”

          Without warning, he grabbed you in a headlock and gave you a noogie. “Jare!”

          “It’s good having you around, Y/N/N,” Jared laughed before letting go and retreating to a safe distance.

          You pointed to him with narrowed eyes. “I’m gonna recruit Gen for some payback tonight. Just you wait.”

          “Jared!” Someone called through the set. “Hair and makeup!”

          “I’m watching you, Padalecki,” you pointed at your eyes then at him, backing away menacingly.


	3. Chapter 3

          “No,” you were barely able to get out. It was as if every cell in your body was imploding when you pushed past Sam and saw her laying there. “No, no, no!”

          Flying to her side, you knelt down and pressed your ear to her chest. She couldn’t be dead. She was the only family you had left. The reason you got up in the morning.

          But her heart was silent.

          Your anguished scream filled every crack in the concrete of this warehouse basement. Your little sister wasn’t supposed to die before you. You were supposed to save her and protect her!

          Behind you came the scuffling of shoes on concrete and you remembered that you weren’t alone. Whirling around, you kept your sister’s hand in yours as you glared at the shortest of the three men. “ _Do_  something! Save her, dammit! You’re the King of Hell!”

          Crowley just took a step back and shook his head.

          “You promised me ten years with her!” You yelled. “So fix her! Bring her back. I don’t care how you do it.”

          “I can’t, Quinn. I truly am sorry.”

          His apology was worth nothing. It didn’t even make it across the space between you. You turned back to your sister, a tear splashing onto her cheek from yours. “I’m so sorry. I let you down. I promised mom and dad I would look after you.” Your whole body was shaking as you wrapped yourself around her. “I’m sorry.”

          The director yelled, “Cut!” at the same time Jensen called after Jared, who was high-tailing it out of the studio. You and Jensen shared a look before running after him.

          “Jared!” You yelled, but he didn’t slow down until he was nearly at his trailer. You caught up to him, grabbing his arm in case he tried to run. “Jare, what’s—what’s wrong?”

          He wiped at his face, fingers coming away damp. “That—that scene.”

          “Was I really that bad?” You tried to joke, testing to see if Jared would grab onto that lifeline.

          “Twenty years ago, I was you. I thought you were dead and it was all my fault. I couldn’t—“

          “Jared, no!” You took his face in your hands, forcing him to look at you. Shock that he was bringing this up made you forget your words for a moment. You hadn’t spoken about it since the year it happened. “That was  _not_  your fault. Do you hear me? And look at me now. I’m perfectly fine.”

          Jared shook his head, trying to hold in more tears. “I was watching you that day. Mom put me in charge and I let you—“

          “You didn’t let me do anything. If I had listened to you, nothing would have happened.  _I_  was the one who wandered off.  _I_  was the one who went off alone.”

          Your older brother just shook his head some more. You’d had no idea that he blamed himself.

          Glancing around, you saw that you’d caught the attention of a few people, Jensen included. This was definitely a family-only moment, though you had a feeling Jensen would be filled in later. You wrapped your arm around Jared’s waist and started nudging him toward his trailer. To Jensen, you said, “Can you tell everyone that we’re gonna need a few minutes?”

          He nodded. Jensen clapped Jared on the shoulder and waited until he looked at him. Then Jensen nodded once and left. That little moment seemed to give Jared the push he needed to climb the stairs to his trailer. Once inside, he collapsed on the couch. You sat next to him, waiting for his cue.

          “Those two weeks you were missing…” Jared’s broken voice shattered your heart. He was your hero. You’d always looked up to your fearless older brother.

          “Why haven’t you said anything before now?” You whispered, covering his hand with yours.

          “Because what I went through back then wasn’t anything compared to what you did, Y/N,” his eyes captured yours. “When we finally found you, after that bastard was killed, you weren’t breathing. You were black and blue and I saw Dad cry. We all knew what he had done to you. And we all knew… we all knew that…”

          “It wasn’t your fault, Jare. I don’t remember much of what happened anyway.”

          “That doesn’t matt—“

          “Yes it does. It matters. Sure, I probably went through hell, but I can’t remember it. You obviously remember those two weeks—“

          “Every. Damn. Second.”

          Words were useless right now. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders and pulled him in for a hug. Propping your chin on top of his head, you felt a tear escape your lashes as you thought over the last few minutes. You really didn’t remember much of the time you’d been kidnapped. Sure, you knew logically that you’d been tortured, beaten, and probably worse. But you couldn’t remember. It wasn’t a defining moment for you.

          Jared, however… he blamed himself. Those two weeks had changed his life forever.

          “Call Gen,” you grabbed your phone and handed it to him. Behind his sorrowful face, he looked at you in confusion. “Call your wife. I’m gonna go finish the scene, then we’re taking the rest of the day off.”

          “But I have another—“

          "Doctor’s orders. Call her. Make sure the boys are ready to go out.”

          “You aren’t a doctor.” Jared’s dark mood was slowly lifting.

          “I played one on a movie once,” you replied flippantly. “And don’t worry about this scene. They have enough of you in it to make do. And if they don’t, you can shoot more tomorrow. Call Gen.” You headed for the door. “I’ll be back in twenty minutes.”

          Not letting him argue or protest, you left his trailer and strode to the set. Jensen saw you first and jogged over, concern apparent.

          “How is he? What happened back there?”

          You held your hands up to ward off his inquiries. “Long story. He’s gonna be fine. I could use your help convincing everyone to let Jared have the rest of the day off, though. I think it’ll be best if we get out of here and do something with Gen and the boys.”

          Between you and Jensen, you persuaded the head honchos to agree to your plan. Jensen seemed to assume that he was invited on this outing, and you weren’t gonna say no. After all, he was practically Jared’s brother.

          And having Jensen around wasn’t a hardship in the slightest.

          So after the scene, you stole the two stars and headed out to take the rest of the day off. Gen and the boys met the three of you and you all walked around the city for an hour before deciding to stop at a park so the boys could have some fun.

          “Daddy, come play!” Tom tugged on Jared’s sleeve. Your brother glanced at you, a little torn.

          “Go on,” you waved toward the playground. “Jensen can babysit me for a while.”

          Jared looked between you and Jensen and rolled his eyes slightly. “Right. Babysit.”

          Word of your first scene with Jensen had made its way around the set. There was plenty of material for the gag reel, especially since both of you kept finding new ways to mess up. During one take, you’d jumped into his arms, wrapping your legs around his waist, and kissed him theatrically. Another take, Jensen had pulled back, holding a hand to his mouth like he was offended and said, “Do I  _look_ like that kind of guy?” A few times, the shifter/FBI agents had gotten in on the fun, tapping Dean on the shoulder and asking if they could cut in.

          Eventually though, you and Jensen managed to be serious for long enough to get enough shots to make the scene work.

          For a few minutes, you and Jensen just sat on a bench in silence and watched Jared, Gen, and their two boys play at the park. Every once in a while, Jared would glance over. You knew that he just wanted to make sure that you were still there. Today had dredged up a lot of memories that you didn’t know he had.

          “Are you gonna tell me what happened?” Jensen asked, keeping his eyes on his best friend.

          You followed his lead and kept your gaze on your family. “When we were younger, I was kidnapped and held for two weeks. By the time the police got the tip on where I was, I was nearly dead from abuse. I don’t remember much of what happened—blocked it out, according to the therapist we saw—but Jared… he took it hard. He blames himself. So that scene today… it just hit him hard. If I hadn’t been the one playing Quinn, he would have probably been able to get through it.”

          Jensen was looking at you with wide eyes when you finally looked at him. “I had  _no_  idea. He never said anything.”

          “We don’t talk about it. The press hasn’t gotten wind of it and we’re trying to keep it that way. Trying to let it go, but I guess Jare hasn’t gotten that part down yet.”

          Shep toddled over under the watchful eye of his parents. “Aunt Y/N/N! Pway wif me!”

          How could you resist that face? You swept him into your arms and turned toward Jensen. Conspiratorially, you whispered to Shep, “What about Uncle Jensen? Should we make him come with us?”

          “Yes!” Shep exclaimed, reaching for Jensen. “Unh Jens! Pway wif us!”

          Jensen stood and started running after you, threatening to tickle the both of you. Shep’s excited squeals echoed off the trees of the park. You lost time of how long you stayed at the park. Time didn’t matter. You were surrounded by people you loved, everyone was laughing, and Jared was smiling.

          Mission accomplished.

* * *

_Padalecki “Family Business” Too Much To Handle?_

          “Did you find it?” Nevaeh asked through the speakerphone on your phone.

          “Yeah. I’m looking at it. This isn’t good,” you mumbled, scanning the online article under the picture of you trying to console your brother. The picture was obviously taken out of context and misinterpreted, as the press was so fond of doing. To anyone who didn’t know what happened, it could look confrontational.

_…actor’s breakdown on set… ‘saving people, hunting things’ better if it’s_  not _the family business?_

          “Does Jared know about this?” your agent asked hesitantly, just as the trailer door opened and Jared walked in. Since you weren’t a star, you didn’t get your own trailer. But you just played your little sister card and claimed Jared’s for your own use.

          You quickly finished your conversation with Nevaeh and ended the call.

          “Does Jared know about what?” he asked, sitting next to you on the couch. As much as you didn’t want to, you slid the laptop to him. He read the article talking about how working with siblings was obviously tearing your family apart. It insinuated that you had a diva complex and couldn’t handle not being the star, and Jared didn’t like all of the attention his little sister was getting from  _his_  cast and crew. He finished and sat back, rubbing his hand over his chin. “It’s actually not bad by itself.”

          “But you know they’re not going to stop there,” you chimed in. “I have a movie coming out and this is Season 12 for you. We’re both in the spotlight. They’re going to dig.”

          Jared wrapped an arm around your shoulder. “We’ll figure this out.”


	4. Chapter 4

          “What do you think about this?” Jared asked, turning his laptop towards you the next day.

          “Shouldn’t you be asking your publicist that?”

          He shook his head. “I want this to be one hundred percent me, you know? Not some press release crap. The fans deserve more than that.”

          Nodding in complete understanding, you pulled the computer towards you and looked over his drafted Facebook post:

_Saving People, Hunting Things. Our Family Business is the best! Having Y/N on set has been the best few days of my entire year. It’s been a while since I’ve been able to tease her all day for over a week straight :) We’ve got a great episode coming up in season 12 for you guys!_

_P.S. No Padaleckis were harmed in the production of this episode, can’t guarantee the safety of any Ackleses or Collinses ;)_

          Underneath his words was a selfie you guys had taken on set in full makeup for after a fight scene. Fake blood was all over your faces and both of your hair was a mess, but your smiles were the biggest, most genuine smiles you’d ever had.

          “I like it. It probably won’t discourage many reporters, but your fans will definitely feel better.”

          Jared took the laptop back and posted it. Almost immediately, people started liking and commenting.

          “It’s like a cult,” you whispered, watching the notifications grow. Sure, you had your own fanbase, but as a rom-com star it wasn’t nearly as large and obsessive as the Supernatural fandom. “You say something and they all start freaking out because their savior and messiah has spoken.” You got on your knees and started bowing. “Oh, great and wondrous Jared Padalecki! Tell me the things which I should do!”

          Laughing, your brother tackled you, starting an all-out wrestling match in the middle of the living room. It wasn’t long before two small bodies launched themselves into the melee and the wrestling match turned into a tickling war. You would definitely miss moments like these with your nephews when you left Vancouver.

          Once the war sizzled out and the boys started running around the house with war cries, you got an idea. “How about I watch the boys sometime this weekend and you two go on a date? It’s probably been a while, right?”

          “You sure you can handle them?” Gen asked, just as Shep ran through the room, tripping and face planting on the floor. He lay there for a moment before jumping up and adding his yell to his brother’s as he ran after him.

          “Yeah. We’ll try not to burn the house down. I told Mark about that, by the way.”

          “I kinda figured that one out when he started making comments about fires and not being able to be home alone.” His phone chimed and he glanced at it. “Clif’s here. Gotta go.”

          He gave Gen a quick kiss, ruffled your hair when he walked by, and yelled through the house for the boys to meet him at the front door for hugs. The episode you’d been in had finished filming, and you felt kind of sad at watching him leave without you. There was just  _something_  about the set of Supernatural that felt like home.

          “ _Now_  your vacation starts, right?” Gen asked, wrapping an arm around your waist. You leaned against her and thought about the next few months with nothing planned until your publicity tour with Haden for your movie.

          Then you turned to your sister-in-law. “Why the hell didn’t I sleep in?”

* * *

          “Hello?” You picked up your phone without bothering to check who was calling. Your babysitting duties started while Jared and Gen got ready for their date and Tom had disappeared. Whether he was playing hide and seek or he was getting into something he shouldn’t have, you didn’t know. But you and Shep were having a great time looking for him. Shep was hanging off your back, pretending like you were a horse.

          “Hey, Y/N,” Jensen’s voice brought an involuntary smile to your lips.

          “Jensen! How’re you do—don’t you run from me you little gremlin!” You caught sight of your oldest nephew and ran after him, laughing as he giggled and started running however he thought gremlins ran. His arms and legs were at odd angles and he kept running into walls. You swept Tom up into your arms. With one boy in your arms and one on your back, holding onto the phone was difficult. “Sorry about that, Jense. I had a little bit of a prison break.”

          His deep chuckle sent a shiver through your body and you set both boys down out in the backyard where they could run themselves to the ground. “Jared told me you were watching the boys tonight. How’s that going so far?”

          “Give me a few more hours and I’ll probably be worshipping Gen for her patience.”

          “You know, I was actually going to call you earlier and ask if you wanted to get a drink with me tonight, but…”

          Dammit, your plans with your nephews ruined a chance at a date with Jensen… But family came first. “Unless your idea of a drink is toting two kids along for a milkshake at a diner, I think we’ll have to take a raincheck.”

          “Or…” Jensen trailed off momentarily. “If you’re not too set on spending the whole night alone with the boys, maybe I could come by and watch them with you. I could bring some wine and we could have that drink after they go to bed?”

          You couldn’t lie, having Jensen Ackles finding any way to spend time with you definitely boosted your ego. And you really wanted to spend more time with him too… “You know what? That actually sounds really good.”

          “Really?”

          “Really. Jare and Gen are leaving in about an hour, but you can come by any time, I guess.”

          “I think I’ll give you some time alone with Tom and Shep so you appreciate how much help I am when I show up,” Jensen teased.

          “It’s a date,” your cheeks were starting to hurt from all the smiling you were doing. It felt like forever since you’d flirted with someone that you actually liked. “I’ll see you in a while.”

* * *

          “And then the scawy man came and  _boo!_  He jumped out at us! That’s when the  _giant_  tarantula bit me.” Shep was energetically telling Jensen a story while you and Tom gathered snacks from the kitchen. After a long few hours of chasing the boys, they’d finally calmed down enough that you and Jensen had convinced them to watch a movie.

          You and Tom were walking into the screen room while Shep continued his story. “It bit me right there. Just like—“ here, he mimed a very vicious biting motion. “Right  _here!_ ”

          “Just like…“ Jensen grabbed Shep and pretended to bite him. Shep was squealing and squirming in his arms, but Jensen’s grip was like iron.

          You and Tom plopped down on the other side of the giant beanbag which distracted Jensen enough for Shep to wiggle out of his grip and retreat to you, expecting relief.

          “Is Uncle Jensen teasing you?” You asked sympathetically, smoothing your hand over Shep’s hair. He nodded emphatically and you hugged him comfortingly, tossing Jensen a wink over your nephew’s head. Tom caught your look and tensed, ready for action. “I can’t believe Uncle Jensen would bit you just like—“

          Repeating Jensen’s actions, you pretended to bite Shep right where his imaginary tarantula and Jensen had. He squealed again and Tom jumped to tickle his little brother. Not wanting to be left out, Jensen rolled over and the four of you were a tangle of laughter and limbs. After a minute or two, things calmed down and you all lay in a heap on the beanbag.

          Jensen reached behind himself and grabbed the remote to start the movie. Within the first ten minutes, both boys were out cold, snuggled between you and Jensen. He turned the volume down on the movie and you carefully, so as to not wake the boys, turned onto your side to face him.

          “Guess the wine’s gonna have to wait,” you whispered.

          “We’ll get that drink some other time,” he promised. The way the light from the screen flickered across his face excited those butterflies in your chest.

          “I’m looking forward to it.” For a moment, both of you just stared at each other softly. Then you broke the silence with a question about the episode he was filming. Jensen asked you about your movie, and the conversation shifted and evolved until a few hours had passed and both of you were fighting to keep your eyes open. Soon enough, both of you succumbed to sleep.

          You were vaguely aware of Jared and Gen coming home and you partially registered two small bodies being lifted from the beanbag, but you fell into deep sleep once again and nothing else mattered.

          Well, nothing mattered until you woke up with a kink in your neck from sleeping on the beanbag. The tinge in your neck was quickly overshadowed when you realized that Jensen was breathing deeply next to you, his arms wrapped loosely around you.

          Suddenly, this was the best morning ever.

          From another part of the house, a war cry sounded, followed shortly by the sound of a body running into a door and falling on the floor. The collision made Jensen jerk awake.

          “Morning, slacker,” you greeted, enjoying the soft reaction smile when he realized who he’d just woken up next to.

          “Who’re you calling slacker?” His voice was lower and more gravelly than normal; a sound that sent a bolt of electricity straight from your ears to your toes.

          “I’ve already run a 5k today, so…”

          Jensen rolled his eyes. “No you didn’t.”

          “You’re right.” How could you have run a 5k when you couldn’t even bring yourself to roll an inch away from Jensen? You weren’t going to be able to leave this beanbag until something forced you to or he got up. Instead, you found your arm wrapping more firmly around him, pulling your body into his. “I haven’t gotten up.”

          Jensen’s thumb was idly stroking your shoulder, sending your thoughts into a tizzy. And as each second passed, his gaze turned more intense. Ever so slowly, the space between you seemed to grow smaller and smaller. Your eyes darted to his lips and then…

          “Hey sleepyheads!” Gen called, giving you only a second’s warning before she strode into the room. “Jared made breakfast and Tom’s gonna eat your plates if you don’t—oh. Did I interrupt something?”

          “Nope,” you replied, trying to hide your frustration. “Just saying good morning.” Giving Jensen a  _what can you do?_  look, you rolled away and sat up. It took you a minute to control your expression before turning to your sister-in-law. “You said Jared made breakfast? Is it even edible?”

          You slowly followed Gen to the kitchen, Jensen close behind. He walked closer to you and put his hand on your back as he leaned down to whisper, “Good morning.”

          “Morning,” you replied, turning your head to see his bright eyes gleaming at you. Then you were in the kitchen and the boys latched onto each of you, dragging you to the table.


	5. Chapter 5

          “You ready for this?” Haden asked backstage as Jimmy Fallon was introducing you two. Weeks had passed since you were in Vancouver. Publicity for this movie had been crazy. Those months of vacation you thought you would have turned into a circus of cameras and airplanes and scripted encounters. Your time on the set of Supernatural seemed like a dream.

          But the episode you’d been in just aired and most of the reviews about your character had been amazingly good. Fans were starved for strong female characters.

          Tonight was about your movie though. Not Supernatural. And not Jensen, who you’d spoken to on the phone a few times during your crazy publicity tour.

          “We’re almost through with this tour and my blood has been replaced with caffeine. I can handle anything right now.” You hopped around a few times, hyping yourself up. “You?”

          “Ready or not,” Haden replied, shaking his head to loosen up.

          Your cue hit and both of you walked out onto the stage, waving at the cheering crowd. When you made it to Jimmy, you air kissed his cheeks before stepping aside to let Haden shake his hand. When the three of you sat down, the crowd slowly quieted.

          The first few minutes were the usual small talk and joking around. Then Jimmy turned to you and you prepared yourself for the scripted questions. Somehow, you’d managed to go through nearly the whole tour without anyone asking about the article on you and Jared. The episode you’d filmed had aired that week, though, so it made sense for Jimmy to bring it up now.

          “So, Y/N. I heard that you didn’t take a break after finishing  _Runaway Love_  before you jumped right into filming an episode of Supernatural.”

          “I obviously don’t know how to relax. I mean, the day after I finished filming for Supernatural I still didn’t sleep in.”

          Jimmy laughed. “I hope you’ve relaxed some since then.”

          “Trust me, sweats and an old, ratty t-shirt has been my uniform since then.”

          “Good, good.” He turned to the audience. “For anyone who doesn’t know, Y/N’s brother, Jared Padalecki, is one of the stars of Supernatural.” He returned his attention back to you. “How was that? Working with your brother?”

          “Well, one of the first scenes I shot with him, my character got to punch his, so that was therapeutic,” you joked, earning a roll of laughter from the audience. “No, no really though. It was amazing. I’ve watched his show, so I’ve seen him as his character, Sam Winchester. But being there, in the room when he’s shooting a scene… it’s absolutely incredible. We normally don’t get to spend time together between his schedule and mine so spending an entire week with him, being in the car with him for the commutes in the mornings and evenings, and being able to joke around with him between takes was probably the best thing that I could ask for.”

          “We have a picture from set here…” Jimmy reached for a picture and you waited with bated breath. You had no idea what he was going to pull out. He flipped the picture around and you laughed. It was just a photo of Jared holding you in a headlock and giving you a noogie. “That’s you, isn’t it? And that’s Jared.”

          “That must’ve happened at least three times a day. Jared really likes to remind me that he’s taller and stronger than me.”

          “As the younger sister, I bet that happened a lot to you growing up.”

          “Jimmy, you have no idea,” you laughed at the memories. “Our mom got so tired of me yelling that Jared was touching me.”

          “ _Mom! He’s touching me!”_ Jimmy mimicked in a falsetto. Then he dropped his voice to mimic Jared’s. “ _I’m not touching you, I’m not touching you!”_

          “ _He’s breathing my air!_ ” you added in a higher pitch than your normal voice. “ _I don’t see your name on it.”_

          Practically falling out of his chair, Jimmy’s laughter was contagious and everyone was laughing. “You two probably gave her gray hairs before her years.”

          “I think one of the directors said it best on my first day on set when he said, ‘ _Good god, what were we thinking, having_ two  _Padaleckis on set?_ ’” The reminder of your first scene with Jensen made your cheeks heat a little. You had to reign it in. “Together, Jared and I are a force to be reckoned with.”

          “Speaking of forces to be reckoned with,” Jimmy segued, “You and Haden here are quite the dynamic duo.”

          “Rom-Com Power Duo,” Haden contributed with a grin. “That’s what Y/N calls us.”

          Jimmy shifted in his seat to face you guys more fully. “It’s true. It was… eight years ago? When you co-starred in your first movie?”

          “Something around there,” you agreed.

          “Eight years of rom-coms. Have either of you tried to use anything from your movies to get a date? Any tips or advice for the rest of us?”

          You deferred the question to Haden, since he actually had done that. “Actually, that’s how I met my fiancée. We—“

          “Hold up,” you cut him off. He couldn’t just drop an exciting tidbit of info and expect you not to pounce. “Fiancée? When did you propose?”

          “Ooo,” Jimmy looked straight at the camera, “Now we’re getting the juicy gossip.”

          Haden blushed a little and your heart flipped in excitement for your friend. “Just last week actually.”

          “It’s about time!” You exclaimed, leaning over to give him a hug. “Congratulations!”

          After a little celebration, the interview got back on track and it seemed like no time at all before you were saying goodnight and heading back to the hotel.

          “When were you going to tell me?” You asked, eager for all of the information once you two were alone in the car. You’d been trying to get him to propose to his girlfriend since filming began on  _Runaway Love_.

          “Uh, actually…” An uncomfortable silence fell.

          “What is it?”

          Haden shifted, twisting to face you head on and you tried to prepare yourself for whatever he was about to say. “Listen, Y/N. It’s just that… well, you aren’t invited.”

          That threw you. Haden and you had been friends for nearly a decade and he was telling you that you weren’t invited to his wedding? “What?”

          “It just… I mean, we have a complicated relationship with everything we do in movies and—“

          “Everything we do? You mean how we play love interests in movies? What is complicated about that? It’s just work.”

          Squaring his shoulders like he’d been expecting this to turn into a fight, Haden sighed. “Y/N, we’ve practically seen each other naked—“

          “For work! That’s all.  _You_  know that nothing has happened between us.”

          “We just think it would be best if there’s not the chance that people could get the wrong idea…”

          “You’ve got to be kidding me. You haven’t cared about appearances for the last eight years. What made you start—“ Realization dawned. “It’s her, isn’t it? Your fiancée thinks there’s something between us, right? And you didn’t tell her there wasn’t?”

          Haden scratched the back of his neck, using the motion as an excuse not to look at you.

          “No…” you were shocked. “Haden. There’s never been anything between us.”

          “I thought… a few times over the years…”

          “Oh my god.” This was ridiculous. The man you considered one of your best friends was denying you an invitation to his wedding because he felt something you a few times over the years. The car pulled up to the hotel and you were suddenly done. You didn’t need any drama. “You know what? It’s fine. I won’t come to your wedding because you’re scared that it might confuse everything. But if you’re scared that having one person at your wedding could ruin your marriage, then maybe you shouldn’t be getting married at all.”

          With those words, you got out of the car and strode toward the hotel, stopping to take pictures and give your autograph out to some fans who stopped you. Once you were barricaded in your room, you pulled out your phone and called Jared. “You’re at a con somewhere in New York, right?”

* * *

          “Morning,” Jensen said offhandedly into the microphone. Just that one syllable was enough to set the crowd off cheering.

          Then Jared leaned forward and said, “Good morning,” and the crowd got even louder. From your place backstage, you shook your head, marveling at their fans. Twelve years into the show and they were so in love with your brother and his friend. It was kind of breathtaking.

          “Hey y’all, how’s everyone doing?”

          Again, the crowd roared. You leaned against the wall, settling in as you watched Jared and Jensen start to tease each other, tell stories, and take questions from the crowd. They were so at ease in front of this audience. Since you knew them both personally, you could tell that they help back a little, but not much.

          Ten minutes into the panel, Jared pointed at one of the fans to ask their question. “So the episode with your sister just aired and—“ at that reminder, the crowd lost it again, hooting and hollering. Your grin grew as a weird, bubbly sensation started spreading throughout your body. You never needed much validation. You didn’t  _need_  people to say that they loved you or that you were an amazing actress. But something about having these people cheer for you, even though you were only in one episode… well it was one of the best feelings you’d had in a while.

          Eventually the crowd quieted enough for the fan to finish their question. “Anyway, that episode just aired, and I watched her interview with Jimmy Fallon yesterday—“

          “She had an interview yesterday? Man, I’m a horrible brother,” Jared tried to act self-deprecating, but he couldn’t pull that one off. Nevertheless, it made the audience laugh.

          “Yeah. She said one of the directors said something about having two Padaleckis on set was crazy, or something. My question is: what was the weirdest or craziest thing that happened while filming that episode?”

          Jared and Jensen shared a look, but you didn’t get to read too much into it because someone was tapping you on the shoulder. You looked over and saw an attendant handing you a microphone. “Go surprise them.”

          “Are you sure? I mean, it’s the gold panel. And I’m not a Winchester—“

          “Go on,” she gave you a little push toward the stage. “The fans will  _love_ this.”

          Okay then… You took a moment to decide how you were going to make your entrance. Then you took a deep breath and took the first step. Press conferences, you could do. What you weren’t sure you could do was stand on a stage in front of all of your brother’s fans and keep your cool.

          Jared was speaking when you interrupted him. “—then she ran into the middle of our take in tears, saying that she just realized that, when we were younger, our mom had lied to us when she said our old dog was taken to a farm where he could run free and—“

          “Hey, I loved that dog, okay?” you said into your mic as you strode toward the two men. As soon as the audience recognized you, they started cheering again.

          Jared and Jensen were both shocked, but Jared recovered more quickly. He rushed over and picked you up in a bear hug. “What are you doing here?”

          You made sure the mic wouldn’t pick up your conversation. “I needed a little pick-me-up, so I came to watch you guys, then someone shoved a mic at me and pushed me onstage.”

          Jensen claimed his hug, holding on tightly.

          “It’s great to see you guys again,” you said, letting the mic pick up your words. You could tell that Jared was dying to ask why you needed a pick-me-up, but that would have to wait. The three of you walked back to the center of the stage. You turned to the audience to answer the fan’s question. “You guys should have seen Jared after I convinced his makeup artist to do his makeup. I think that’s one of my favorite things I’ve done on any set.”

          “We promised to never speak of that again,” Jared whispered into his mike, trying to act embarrassed. For a few minutes you stayed on stage, pitching in a few times as the boys answered questions, but you felt way out of place. Jared and Jensen had been on the show for twelve years. You were there for one episode. The fans wanted the boys right now, not you. So you found an opening and gracefully excused yourself.

          After a few hours of wandering around, chatting with fans, taking pictures, signing autographs, and trying to forget about Haden’s backstabbing announcement, you came to a realization about the Supernatural fandom. This wasn’t just a fandom. This wasn’t really even a cult, like you’d joked about with Jared.

          This con was basically a family reunion for fans who hadn’t ever met, but they were family nonetheless.

          Suddenly, your brother’s devotion to this show made sense. The feeling you had when you shot the episode with them made sense. This wasn’t work for them. Not like the movies you shot with Haden. Everyone in Supernatural, the actors, crew, fans… everyone was connected.

          It was such a foreign concept to you.


	6. Chapter 6

          “It’s my day off. What’s going on?” When your agent Nevaeh called, you managed to find a vacant room where you could talk.

          “Look, sweetie. I know you’ve tried really hard to keep it out of the news, especially lately, but I just sent you a link. You should check it out.”

          “What’s going on, Nev? Just tell me.” There was really only one thing you’d tried to keep out of the news. One thing that you though no one would be able to dig up. If anyone found out about the time you’d been kidnapped… well, you didn’t know how people would twist it. But you figured that it couldn’t be good.

          “Look, I’ve gotta go. Read the article. I’m handling it, but you should be aware of it.” She didn’t even give you any time to protest before she hung up on you.

          In your rush to find the email, you nearly dropped your phone. But within a few seconds, you were reading an article about the two-week nightmare your family had lived all those years ago. The journalist who wrote the article seemed pretty neutral, giving mostly facts. Knowing how the internet spread stories, though, this would be the last article that didn’t have an agenda.

          When Jared found out that this was out there…

          He couldn’t find out. Just the abstract reminder on set had brought him to tears. He’d protected you your whole life and it was time that you return the favor.

          You called Nevaeh back, relieved when she answered. Without preamble, you jumped right in. “Do what you gotta do. Keep this contained, kill it, whatever. Call Jared’s publicist and agent and anyone else you need to, but he can’t hear about his, okay?”

          “I’m not sure—“

          “Jared. Can’t. Find. This,” you bit out sharply. “Understand?”

          There was a beat of silence. You weren’t a diva. You rarely had drama. Neveah hadn’t ever heard you get so passionate about anything before. Finally, she spoke. “I understand. I’ll do my best.”

          This time you hung up on her. Then you went back to the article, skimming it again. When you got to the comments, you made the mistake of getting curious. You’d learned early on in your career to never read comments. But you couldn’t help yourself.

          Most of the comments so far were harmless enough. In the middle though, you came across one that caught your eye.

_Sorry to hear about this, dumpling. Looks like you’ve had better luck since we parted, though_.

_Dumpling_ … The term of endearment struck a minor chord in you and you felt on edge.

          “Hey, Y/N,” Jared called as he walked into the room. His voice made you jump and you hid your phone behind your back as you whirled around.

          “Oh, hey bro. Finally get a breather?”

          He raised his eyebrows, nodding at your arm. “Hiding something?”

          “A girl’s gotta have her secrets,” you said, hoping he would let the issue drop. And thankfully he did.

          Unfortunately, he chose another topic you’d rather not talk about. “What was that you said about a pick-me-up this morning?”

          You waved your hand. “Nothing, really. It’s just… Haden got engaged and didn’t tell me because I’m not invited to the wedding. It just stings a little, but I’m fine now.” He wasn’t buying it. Time for a diversion. “Your fans are amazing, by the way. I had  _no_  idea.”

          Still suspicious, Jared graciously accepted the change in subject and you two chatted about some of the encounters you’d had throughout the day.

          “It’s almost time for some photos. You wanna get in on the fun?”

          You wanted to say yes. You wanted to stay and be surrounded by the love and excitement of this con. But… but there was this new, dark feeling roiling deep inside of you, and you couldn’t make yourself say yes.

_Dumpling._

          “I’d better head back to my hotel. I’ve got a flight tomorrow morning for my last interview. Better get some beauty sleep.” Your smile was weak, you knew it, but it was the best you could do.

          “Are you sure you’re okay?” Jared asked, laying a hand on your arm.

          “Yeah. It’s just been a long few months.” So you wouldn’t have to look at his face anymore and lie, you pulled him into a hug. “It was great seeing you.”

          After the rest of your goodbye, you started for the door just as Jensen walked in. “J, we’re being summoned for—oh, hey, Y/N. You gonna come get some pictures?”

          Even Jensen’s smile didn’t banish this feeling that something was wrong. “I was actually just headed out. Last interview tomorrow.”

          A few more minutes of painful small talk and you thought that you managed to play your part well enough. However, when you glanced behind you as you were walking away, you saw the boys watching you with worry painted on their faces.

_Dumpling._

          The word repeated over and over on your cab ride to the motel. Each time it crossed your mind, another note added to this cacophonous symphony in your stomach. When you saw a bar that was a block away from your hotel, you told your cabbie to pull over.

* * *

          “You know there are reporters outside?” a familiar voice asked, sitting on the stool next to yours. You eyed Jensen sideways before downing another shot.

          “Is that how you found me?”

          Jensen shrugged and ordered another round for you and him. “It’s a con weekend here, your latest interview just aired, and I’m pretty sure the paparazzi have a GPS somewhere on you. If you want to give them a story, keep drinking.”

          “I’m not drinking my feelings.” You tossed back the shot. Jensen was watching you dubiously and you rolled your eyes. You’d had enough drinks by now to numb the dark sensation that article had painted within you. Jared had probably told Jensen about Haden by now, which was a good enough cover story.

          “Well, not how you’re thinking I am. I’m not jealous that Haden’s engaged, or whatever. I’m happy for him. I’m just mad… that… he told me I’m not invited. To the wedding, the reception… I’m not  _welcome_. I guess being the rom-com power duo on screen doesn’t necessarily mean that we’re invited to be a part of each other’s real life rom-coms.” The more you spoke, the more you believed that that was all that was going on at the moment. Some petty friend drama. That’s it.

          Well, that  _and_  Jensen leaning ever so slightly toward you.

          “Yeah, that’s bullshit. You’ve been friends forever.” Jensen flagged down the bartender for two beers, apparently deciding that you’d had enough shots.

          You laughed bitterly. “You’re telling me. Something about how his fiancée feels threatened, or it wouldn’t look good to have someone he’s gotten paid to kiss and pretend to have sex with for the last eight years. How stupid and unprofessional is that?”

          “It’s a dick move,” he agreed.

          “I know, right? Now are you going to get drunk with me and help me forget about shitty friends, or what?” As your eyes were locked on Jensen’s it was like a scene from a movie that you watch for the first time where everything seems perfect. The song chosen seemed to have been made for that exact moment. The air in the room sits exactly how it should. The lights are just dim enough that his perfect smile is highlighted exactly right.

          He chuckles, shakes his head slightly, and casts his eyes down shyly. So quietly that you almost didn’t hear, he whispered, “I can’t say no to you.”

          “I might take advantage of that one day,” your husky voice warned, eyes dipping to his lips.

          “I’ll be waiting.”

          His words magnetized the air between you and you leaned in slightly, testing the waters. He mirrored your action and your heart jumped to your throat. Slowly, the space separating you vanished.

          Then someone dropped their drink and glass shattered the moment. You pulled back, staring at the counter to collect yourself. Out of the corner of your eyes, you saw Jensen doing the same as his senses came back to himself.

          “Uh, probably… probably not the best place,” you said haltingly. “Reporters outside. People with phones inside.”

          “No, yeah,” he agreed awkwardly. You took a sip of your beer and tried to think of a way to get rid of the awkward tension.

          Your head was fuzzy from all the alcohol you’d drunk in the last hour, but that didn’t change the fact that you wanted Jensen. You wanted to spend time with him and kiss him. You wanted to hold his hand in public and go on double dates with Jared and Gen. Somewhere between fleeting meetings at events you’d attended with Jared and that first kiss on set, your celebrity crush had turned into a full-fledged schoolgirl crush. Jensen Ackles was not someone you wanted to leave your life.

          “I, uh, I think I’ve had enough to drink,” you pushed your bottle away and gathered your jacket and purse. You stood and turned to Jensen. “Walk me to my hotel?”

          His eyes met yours again, sparking. A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth and he held out his arm. “Like I said, I can’t say no.”

          Sneaking out the back of the bar, you managed to dodge the reporters. Walking down the deserted street in the moonlight arm in arm with Jensen, you felt like a normal girl out on a date. Giddy butterflies were fluttering around your chest.

          “You know,” you broke the silence after a block. “I got a call the other day. About filming another episode.”

          “Oh yeah?” Jensen looked down at you, waiting for more.

          You squeezed his arm and smiled. “Yeah. My last interview for this tour is tomorrow. I’ll be in Vancouver by the end of the week.”

          Jensen suddenly veered off course toward a dark doorway. He glanced around quickly before framing your face with his hands. Each time his breath cascaded over your lips, your heart stopped. A shaft of moonlight caught his eyes and they gleamed green at you. “I can’t wait until we get to your room.”

          His lips crashed into yours, sending you over a cliff.

          Without a script, his kiss reframed everything in your life. Your lips moved frantically over his, begging for more. The chill in the air was pushed away, and the goosebumps on your arms were there for an entirely different reason. His fingers tangled in your hair, tugging your head and changing the angle of the kiss and you were suddenly falling headfirst as the ground beneath you fell away.

          Slowly, he pulled back. You peeled your eyes open, staring at his gorgeous face. His eyes were still closed, a small smile toying with his lips and you couldn’t stop yourself from pressing your lips to his smile for another quick kiss. His smile grew and he finally opened his eyes. Your hands slid from his chest around to his back, flattening against the muscles under his shirt as he gently smoothed your hair away from your face. “How far away is your hotel?”

          “Half a block,” you replied after looking around. “Couldn’t even wait half a block?”

          “Still can’t,” he grinned, kissing you again.

          You laughed and pushed him away before taking his hand. “C’mon. We’re almost there.”

* * *

          Your phone rang the next morning, waking you with a groan. A glance at the blindingly bright screen told you it was Jared. You answered it, grunting, “What?”

          “Good morning, sunshine,” your brother greeted amusedly.

          “What do you want?” It was too early for pleasantries. You hadn’t gotten much sleep last night, and the body stirring beside you reminded you why.

          Jensen rolled over until he was pressed against your back. “Is that Jared?”

          “Did I just hear Jensen?” Jared asked. “In your room? At seven in the morning?”

          Your annoyance at being awoken so early faded as Jensen dragged his hand from your shoulder down to your bare thighs. Settling back into his body, you tried to focus on your phone call. “What do you want Jared? I was up really late last night and you just woke me up at seven in the morning.”

          “Up late with  _Jensen_?”

          “I’m hanging up—“ you threatened.

          “I thought you’d like to get some breakfast before you leave. But if you’re too busy…”

          “Breakfast?” you mumbled. Food with your brother or staying in bed with his best friend… This wasn’t an easy decision.

          Jensen took the phone from your hand, deciding for you. “You’re paying.”

          He hung up before Jared had a chance to say anything else. With Jensen’s arms wrapped around you, you tried not to think about the awkward situation that was about to happen, but it was inevitable. Jared was your older brother and even though Jensen was his best friend, you knew he was going to do the big brother spiel and ask questions you didn’t know the answer to. It was better to get those cleared up when it was just you and Jensen.

          So you turned around in his arms, only for him to draw you into a long kiss.

          “Please tell me I’m not the only one who thinks this is something real,” you mumbled against his lips.

          “You’re not the only one,” he pulled back, promise filling his eyes.

          That was enough for you for now. With all of the complicated drama that had crashed into your life in the last 48 hours, you needed something simple like that.

          You kissed him again before getting out of bed and pulling on your robe. Padding over to the bathroom, you looked back at the bed to see Jensen lounging back against the pillows with the sheets pooled around his waist, watching you with heat in his eyes.

          You pointed at him. “You’d better sneak out of here unless you want to start some rumors. I think the two of us walking out together might start some chatter in the tabloids.”

          Jensen climbed out of bed and slowly strolled over to you. Your knees went weak at the sight of him. He smirked at you when he stopped just short of touching you. “Maybe I want to start some rumors with you.”

          “Go,” you laughed, pushing him toward the door. “There will be plenty of time for rumors later. I’ll meet you and Jared at your hotel in an hour.”

          Jensen pulled on his clothes and started for the door. Almost like an after-thought, he turned back and caged you against the wall, kissing you quick and deep. “See you in an hour.”


	7. Chapter 7

          You’d just gotten out of the shower when there was a knock on your hotel door. You looked through the peephole, but there was no one there. Your anxiety climbed and you carefully opened the door. No one was in the hallway at all.

          Feeling oddly relieved, you started to close the door, but then an envelope on the floor caught your attention. As if in a trance, you bent down to pick it up. Going back into the safety of the room, you opened the envelope and took out the piece of paper.

          Typed on it were just a few sentences.

_You’ve made quite the name for yourself, dumpling. Always knew you were something special. -D_

          There was nothing there to cause you alarm, yet your hands were shaking by the time you finished reading.

_Dumpling._

          It took you a few tries to unlock your phone and call the security team you’d hired a few times throughout your career. After explaining the situation, you waited for Ralph’s opinion. You trusted him implicitly. He would know what to do.

          “It’s probably nothing,” Ralph assured you. He’d always been straight with you, so you started calming down at his words. Except he wasn’t finished. “But I think I should look into it a little, just to be sure.”

          And your blood pressure skyrocketed again. “So you think this could be bad? Like, really bad?”

          “Odds are it’s just a prank. I’ll make some calls just to be sure. And I don’t want you leaving your hotel room until I call you again.”

          “But, I’m supposed to meet my brother for breakfast in—“ you looked at the clock and sighed. "Five minutes ago.”

          “Tell him something came up.”

          Skipping out on breakfast right after he found out you and Jensen slept together? That was going to go over well. He was going to think you were avoiding him. Jensen too, probably.

          “Great timing,” you muttered. “Aw well, safety first, right?”

          Ralph agreed and hung up to start investigating.

          It wasn’t a minute after your conversation with Ralph that Jared called. You stared at his contact picture for a moment before ignoring the call. You were a great actress, but you knew you couldn’t pull this off. So you took the coward’s way out and texted him instead.

_Sorry. Something came up. I can’t make it to breakfast. But I’ll see you in a few days on set again!_

          Jared texted back, but you didn’t read the message.

          By the time Ralph called you back, you were completely packed and completely obsessing over the note.

_Dumpling._

          “I’m sending Javier over to your hotel for protection detail until I can meet you at the airport. You remember Javier, right?”

          “Yeah. I guess I don’t need to ask if you found something.” If Ralph was going to be your personal bodyguard, he’d found something big and scary. “What’s going on, Ralph?”

          He was silent for a moment. “Javier will be there in a few minutes to take you to the airport. I switched your flight. Only open the door for Javier.”

          Not knowing what was going on was horrible. You were tempted to call Jared a few times while you waited for Javier, but couldn’t bring yourself to interrupt the con. He didn’t need this weight on his shoulders. Jensen either. They deserved to enjoy their success.

* * *

          “Glad you could make it. I thought you were avoiding me for a while there,” Haden said when you rushed backstage, minutes before the show started.

          “It’s been a crazy day,” you offered as explanation for your tardiness.

          Haden opened his mouth to say something, but stopped when he saw Ralph taking his spot to keep watch. “What’s Ralph doing here?”

          “Like I said, it’s been a long day.”

          Haden knew that you had hired Ralph’s team a few times for events when fans could get overzealous or when one of your boyfriends’ exes got a little too crazy and jealous. He knew that you only got protection when things got bad.

          But you couldn’t explain now, not that you would have. It was time to put on your game face and pretend everything was fine.

          It would be good practice for the next week when you would be filming with Jared and Jensen.

          The next half hour dragged by as you said all the right words, did all the right things, and kept up the rapport you and Haden were known for. But it all felt so fake. Nothing at all how Jared and Jensen had been like in front of their fans. This wasn’t family. This was work.

          It had always been work. You just hadn’t noticed before.

* * *

          “Honey, I’m home!” you called through the house after letting yourself in with the key Jared had given you. The pitter patter of four small feet echoed through the hallways then two small projectiles launched themselves at your legs, nearly knocking you over.

          “Aunt Y/N/N!” your nephews chorused. You dropped your bags and bent down to pick them up, one in each arm. Jared, Genevieve, and Jensen came around the corner at a much more leisurely pace.

          “You’re about a week late for breakfast,” Jared teased, pulling you into a hug. Since you had your arms full of two boys who were clinging to you, you couldn’t really give him a real hug, so you put that on your to-do list for later.

_Dumpling._

          “I know, and I really am sorry about that. Things kinda got crazy after Jensen left and they changed my flight and I had to meet with some people—“

          The door opened and in walked Ralph with the rest of your bags. “You know, this isn’t in my job description.”

          “—and this is Ralph. Ralph, this is Jared, my brother. Genevieve, my sister-in-law. And Jensen… my… friend.” Your eyes caught Jensen’s and he just raised his eyebrow in a challenge.

          Ralph dropped your bags. “That was convincing. Maybe your  _friend_ can take these bags to your room. I’m gonna check the place out.”

          “Uh—“ Jared started to protest, still not sure who Ralph was.

          “It’s okay, Jare. Ralph’s my bodyguard. Everyone insisted that Haden and I have protection detail until the premiere. Not quite sure why, but they wouldn’t take no for an answer.” The lie rolled off your tongue easily. After all, you’d been rehearsing that lie for a week. “I can get a hotel room somewhere else or another apartment, if you’d rather not have bodyguards around the boys.”

_Dumpling._

          “No, it’s fine. We want you here,” Gen assured you. After getting a few details ironed out, Ralph left to make his rounds and secure the premises, or whatever he did. Jared and Gen took the boys from you and headed to put them to bed, leaving you and Jensen alone.

          “You know, leaving me alone to deal with Jared wasn’t very nice,” Jensen said as you started for the kitchen.

          “You’re the one who took the phone from me and let him know you were in my hotel room,” you pointed out, grabbing a glass and filling it with water. The cool liquid felt good on your throat after a long day of travelling.

          Jensen leaned back on the counter across from you. He folded his arms across his chest and leveled his gaze on you. “But you’re the one who skipped town like you were embarrassed.”

          “Embarrassed? You think I was embarrassed that Jared found out we slept together?” You set the glass down on the counter and slowly walked towards the man in front of you. He didn’t move a muscle until you reached up and pulled his face down to yours. Your kiss seemed to unlock him, because he unfolded his arms so he could wrap them around your back, pulling you tightly against his body.

          “Well, well, well,” Jared’s smug voice broke you and Jensen apart, but Jensen didn’t loosen his hold on you, so you kept your arms around his neck as you looked over at your brother. “What have we here?”

          “I’m making out with your best friend in your kitchen,” you stated simply. “So if you could—“ you made a shooing motion which just made Jared laugh.

          It was nearly an hour before Jared and Gen let you go. You hadn’t seen Gen for weeks, and you’d only seen Jared for a few minutes at the con, so you had a lot of catching up to do. But eventually they went to their room and Jensen offered to help you bring your bags to the mother-in-law apartment attached to the house.

          “Are you… do you want to…” Ugh, this was so hard! Jensen just watched you, amusement lighting up his face, which didn’t make it any easier. Trying to loosen up, you let out a breath of laughter and ran your fingers through your hair. “I’ve never actually done this before.”

          “Done what? Ask a guy to stay the night?” Jensen leaned back against the wall, completely at ease as you struggled. “Because I find that hard to believe.”

          “Ask a guy I  _care_  about to stay the night,” you corrected. “My past relationships have been mostly publicity stunts. We were just friends who benefitted from being seen in public together and… and who… who like to…”

          “Have sex?” Jensen supplied with an eyebrow raised. A grin crossed his face as he shrugged off the wall and made his way to you. “You’re blushing. For a rom-com star, I never would have thought you would get embarrassed talking about sex.”

          “I don’t!” you protested quickly. Your heart sped up when he looped his arms around your waist. “I swear, I don’t get embarrassed talking about sex, or even feelings. Usually. But, I don’t know… it feels… different with you. It  _means_  something. That’s a whole new feeling for me and I don’t—I don’t know how to deal with it.”

          Jensen was looking down at you with those soft green eyes, sending your thoughts into a tizzy.

          “We can take it slow,” he suggested, feathering his fingers up your back, over your shoulders, and into your hair. With the slightest pressure of his thumbs on your jaw, he tilted your head up. You swayed into his body, fingers clenching the fabric of his Henley over his stomach. “Maybe we could start working out some of those feelings right…here…” he lowered his lips to yours and you forgot everything you’d just been talking about.


	8. Chapter 8

          “Was this here last night?” Jensen asked from the small kitchen in the attached apartment.

          You spat out the toothpaste and rinsed your mouth. “Was what where?”

          Walking into the kitchen, you saw Jensen leaning over a box on the table that most definitely hadn’t been there a few hours earlier. He was reading something on the top. “Who’s  _Dumpling_?”

          You could have sworn that your heart stopped when he reached out toward the box. “Don’t touch that!”

_Dumpling._

          Jensen drew his hand back at your exclamation. “Do you know what this is?”

          It was too early and you’d had too little sleep to be able to come up with a good lie on the fly. In the few seconds you gaped at the box, trying to think of a plausible story, Jensen narrowed his eyes. “Y/N, what’s going on?”

          “I—“ you started to tell a story, but the look in Jensen’s eyes told you that the point was moot. He wouldn’t accept anything but the truth. Deflated, you pulled out your phone. “I’ll tell you in a minute. I need to call Ralph first.”

          Your finger hovered over his contact information, but you didn’t hit  _call_.

          He hadn’t told you anything. You had no idea what was going on or why he insisted on being your guard. He’d taken the note away from you as soon as he saw you. If he wasn’t going to tell you anything, then you would just have to find out what was going on yourself. And if you handed the box over before you looked in it, you would never see it again. Whatever was inside was a clue that you couldn’t afford to lose.

_Dumpling._

          You raised your eyes from the phone, to the box, then to Jensen. “You know those mistakes that you know are mistakes but you just have to make them anyway?”

          He was so confused, but he nodded anyway. That was all you needed to drop your phone, pick up a knife, and walk over to the box. On top of the cardboard in sharpie was written  _To: Dumpling, From: D_

          “Who’s D?” Jensen asked looking over your shoulder.

          “No idea.” You placed the knife against the tape and dragged it down the length, opening the box. He had no idea what was going on, but Jensen still placed his hand on your back for support as you flipped open the flaps.

          On top lay a small, light pink, frilly dress. Carefully, you reached in and pulled it out. There was something familiar about this dress… you just couldn’t place it.

          Jensen leaned forward and reached into the box, pulling out an old, ratty teddy bear. “What the hell is this stuff?”

          “I don’t—“ you saw an envelope on the bottom of the box. Written inside was a simple note that made your stomach drop.

_Dumpling,_

_I was going through some of our old things and thought you might want to have these back._

_-D_

          “Oh my god,” you breathed. A faint picture started forming in your mind. “No, no… this isn’t—“

          “What?” Jensen asked, on edge.

          “This can’t be…” you were still staring at the note when Jensen tugged on your arm and you looked up at him. Seeing him cleared your mind enough that you could think again. “I’ll explain in a minute. But I need answers for myself right now.”

          Ralph picked up on the third ring.

          “What the hell is going on? And don’t try to say that I don’t need to know because this seems like a pretty fucking big deal.”

          “What are you talking about?” A car door slammed and you looked out the window to see Ralph walking up the sidewalk towards the apartment. You unlocked the door and hung up.

          As soon as Ralph walked in, you pointed at the box. “I’m talking about  _that_. He was here last night.  _In_  my apartment while we were sleeping. But he’s dead. Right? The cops shot him. Like, twenty years ago.”

_Dumpling._

          Ralph didn’t respond for a moment. He just walked over and surveyed the box and the contents. He picked up the knife and looked at you. “You opened it? Before you called me?”

          “How else was I supposed to get answers?”

          “Do you have any idea how dangerous—“

          “Do  _you_  have any idea how distracting it’s been not knowing why the hell  _you_  insisted on being my bodyguard? All I knew was that something bad was happening, but I didn’t know what. Not knowing is worse.”

          Jensen took a step back, dragging his hand over his chin as he put pieces of the puzzle together. With wide eyes, he locked his gaze with yours. “Are you saying…”

          “I don’t know. Ralph,” you turned to your tight-lipped bodyguard. “Am I saying that the nightmare when I was kidnapped over two decades ago isn’t over?”

_Dumpling._

          “Y/N, I don’t think it’s wise—“

          Someone knocked on the door that connected your apartment to Jared’s house, but you didn’t give it a second thought. You were terrified that you were right, angry with Ralph for keeping everything from you, and confused as hell. You threw the note onto the table and raised your voice. “I don’t give a shit whether you think it’s wise or not, Ralph! You better tell me the fucking truth right now! I’m not a porcelain doll. I won’t break. I can handle the fucking truth.”

          The knock came again and Jensen went over to unlock the door and let in a very concerned Jared. “I, uh… Clif’s here to take us to set. Is everything okay in here?”

          You kept your hard eyes on Ralph, fixing him with your angriest glare. He still didn’t move an inch.

          “Fine,” you spat out, glancing away to gather your thoughts and plan your next move. “If you won’t tell me, I’m firing you. And if things are as bad as I think they are and something happens to me that you could have prevented if you would have just told me the fucking truth, it’s going to weigh on your conscience forever. Can you live with that?”

          A spark crossed his eyes and he shifted uncomfortably.  _Finally_.

          “You’re right,” he muttered.

          “About what?” Your voice was barely a whisper, a huge contrast to a few moments earlier. “That you should tell me, or—“

          Ralph lifted his reluctant eyes to yours. “All of it.”

* * *

          “The article came out a week ago. Nevaeh called me while I was at the con.”

          “And you didn’t think to tell me?” Jared bit out at you. Gen put her hand on his back and rubbed, trying to calm him down a little. The boys were at a neighbor’s house with Javier keeping watch. Clif had called the studio to let them know that you, Jared, and Jensen wouldn’t be able to come in for a few hours at least.

          Which meant it was time to come clean to Jared.

          “You didn’t need to know,” you said simply, clenching your trembling hands in your lap.

          “Like hell I didn’t need—“

          “Can I go on? We can deal with this later.” You were anxious to get to Ralph’s explanation. After he’d knocked the breath out of you, he insisted that all of the adults gather so he only had to explain the situation first, so you still didn’t know what was happening.

          Jared stayed silent and nodded for you to continue.

          “The article was the first thing. There was a comment. I don’t remember exactly what it said, but it rubbed me the wrong way. Then, after Jensen left my room, someone left me a note and I called Ralph—“

          “What did it say?” Jensen asked.

          Ralph started to pull up a picture, but you had memorized the words. “ _You’ve made quite the name for yourself, dumpling. Always knew you were something special._ Signed by D.” You anxiously twisted a ring on your right hand. “It was the  _dumpling_  that made me call Ralph. Something about it…”

          It was like a memory was trying to tug you towards it, but something was pulling you back.

          “Um,” you shook yourself out of your head. “So yeah. I called Ralph. He investigated. Didn’t tell me a damn thing. Then this morning the box was here. And that’s as much as I know.”

          “How did you figure it out?” Ralph asked before anyone else could ask anything.

          “I—I don’t know. The dress… the bear… they were familiar, but I couldn’t figure out where I’d seen them before. Then the note just… I don’t know. I think I was suspicious before, but…” Why were you trying to explain yourself? Ralph was the one who had explaining to do. “Now tell me what the hell is going on.”

          He cleared his throat and shifted in his seat. “Short version: The cops think the man who kidnapped you had a partner.”

          “And they just figured this out?” Jared exploded again. Gen didn’t even try to calm him down again and you couldn’t blame her. You were seething too. What kind of cops—

          “It was one of their first theories, but they dismissed it back then.”

          Gaping, you tried to logic your way through that. “They… they gave up on it? Why? I would imagine that if you thought a kidnapping child molester had a partner it would be pretty high on their list of  _Most Wanted_.”

          Ralph clenched his jaw, a muscle in his cheek twitching. He was just as frustrated with that police department as you were. “Because they caught the guy. They had a dead suspect. They had a happy ending.”

          “A happy ending?” You and Jared yelled at the same time. You glanced at him before continuing. “For who? My family had to go to therapy for years after that! I didn’t speak for at least a month. The therapist said that I have a block in my mind because what I went through was too traumatic. Jared is  _still_  torn up about it. And they stopped looking for a second suspect because they had a  _happy ending_? Are you fucking kidding me?”

          “Y/N,” Genevieve said in a soothing voice. How she always managed to keep her cool, you had no idea. Any other time you would admire her for it, but you were too enraged at the moment. “Maybe you should ca—“

          “I’m not going to  _calm down_. Those police let some psycho go loose all because they wanted a happy ending. Now he’s come back to stalk me. This is  _their_  fault!”

          Jensen sat forward and leaned his elbows on the table. “What’s being done to find him?”

          Ralph started explaining about tracing the IP address on the comment back to an internet café in New York, but your eyes locked with Jared’s and saw that he was just as terrified as you were. Everything came rushing in and dark stars shimmered at the edge of your vision, building until the world caved in.

_‘Be a good girl while I’m gone, okay Dumpling?’_


	9. Chapter 9

_‘You’re a clumsy little bitch, aren’t you Dumpling?’ The anti-septic stung in your wound and you fought to hold in your cry, knowing that would just make it worse._

          “Quinn. Wake up. You have a guest,” Jared’s voice cut through your dream… wait. Quinn. That wasn’t Jared. It was Sam.

          You must have fallen asleep on set.

          Quinn.

          You cracked your eyes open and rolled over to see what Sam was talking about. There, in the motel room you were crashing in with the Winchesters, stood Crowley. The King of Hell.

          What a bastard.

          You shoved your face back into the pillow. “Tell him I’m not here.”

          “I can see you, you know,” the annoying British accent intoned.

          “Tell the delusional, hallucinating King of Douches that I’m not here.”

          “Cut! Reset. Close ups on Y/N this time.”

          Jensen sat on the edge of the bed. “You fell asleep again. You should see a doctor.”

          “I’m fine,” you denied. Ever since D left that box in your apartment, you’d barely slept. Besides a few minutes here and there on set and an hour or two at night, you were always awake and paranoid. Everyone kept trying to convince you to get some sleeping pills, but you didn’t want to risk letting your guard down.

          They didn’t know about your dreams. They didn’t understand that sleeping was worse than functioning at half-power. And you couldn’t tell them. Everyone was already walking on eggshells after you fainted a few days ago. Telling them that you were concocting dreams about your time when you were kidnapped would be the final nail in your coffin. They would grab you by both arms and drag you to a doctor to stuff you with pills.

          It was better they didn’t know. Besides, it wasn’t like you were remembering. These dreams weren’t real. You were just making things up to make sense of what had happened to you.

          That was all.

          Jensen though… he didn’t believe you at all. That you were fine. You could see it every time he looked at you.

          After running parts of the scene a few more times to get all the angles right, the director finally called it a wrap. Jensen and Jared were whispering with their heads together, but you were too tired to be curious, so you found a call sheet and looked at when you were needed next.

_Dumpling_.

          “Y/N,” Jensen’s hand on your arm startled you, making you jump a little. You started to mutter an apology, but a yawn cut off your words. Jensen wrapped his arm around your shoulders and steered you away from set.

          “Where are we going?”

          “My trailer. We’re gonna take a nap.”

          You planted your feet, forcing Jensen to stop. “You have a scene in an hour, Jense.”

          “Five hours, actually. Change of schedule.”

          You rubbed at your eyes. They could fix your makeup later. Besides,  _your_  next scene wasn’t for another six hours. “Change of schedule. Right. You just pulled a diva move and made them change the schedule, didn’t you?”

          He grinned proudly and that was the only answer you needed. He pulled you back into his side and resumed the walk to his trailer. You thought back to that morning when it had taken longer than normal to get the bags under Jensen’s eyes to disappear in the makeup trailer and suddenly felt guilty.

          “Maybe you should stay at your own apartment tonight,” you murmured, careful that no one else would overhear. Beyond Jared and Gen, no one knew that you and Jensen were giving this relationship a try. For a while, you wanted to keep things that way.

          “What?” That idea apparently didn’t sit too well with him.

_Dumpling._

          “Jense, you need sleep. Staying with me is keeping you up at night, and not in the good way.”

          You made it to his trailer and Jensen ushered you in. As soon as he closed the door, he tugged you into his arms and kissed you. You gladly returned his kiss for a few seconds before mumbling against his lips. “If you think this is going to distract me from convincing you to get sleep tonight then—“

          “Shut up and kiss me, Padalecki.”

          You couldn’t reign in your grin. “You ever say that to Jared?”

          Jensen pulled back, trying to look disgruntled but his smile kept peeking through. “You’re determined to ruin this moment, aren’t you?”

          “We were having a moment?” You joked.

          Jensen rolled his eyes and pulled you over to the wide couch. Once you were situated in his arms, he spoke. “Oh, and unless you really don’t want me to stay the night, I’m staying the night. What kind of boyfriend would I be to leave you to deal with your nightmares alone?”

          Wait…

          You shifted until you could look him in the eye. “You know about those?”

          He caught the worry in your eyes and rubbed a hand over your arm comfortingly. “Don’t worry. I don’t think Jared knows. Do you wanna talk abo—“

          “No,” you cut him off and turned back over so you wouldn’t have to see the concern on his face. After a few moments of uncomfortable silence, you slid your hand down Jensen’s arm that was around your waist until your fingers tangled with his. “They’re just nightmares, Jense. Nothing to worry about.”

* * *

_‘Be a good girl for Daddy while I’m gone, okay Dumpling?’_

          You slowly woke up to the sound of a whispered conversation. Careful not to move and let on that you were awake, you eavesdropped.

          “—slept the whole time?” Jared seemed astounded.

          Jensen flexed the fingers that were entwined with yours on his chest. Sometime during your nap, you had turned around and curled around him, legs tangling. A light blanket covered you two that hadn’t been there before. “Yeah. About four and a half hours. More than the last few days combined, almost.”

_Dumpling._

          They were talking about you. That immediately perked you up and blew away the rest of your sleepy grogginess.

          A concerned huff came from the chair across the room and you could just imagine Jared running his hands through his hair in frustration. “What’s keeping her up? She says she doesn’t remember anything.”

          “I don’t know, man,” Jensen said after a moment’s pause. He hadn’t mentioned the nightmares. The fact that he kept your secret from his best friend warmed a place in your heart. “Did she really not talk after she was rescued?”

          “Yeah.” Jared’s soft voice was broken with memories. “She was jumpy. Wouldn’t talk. Wouldn’t even cry.”

          Jensen pulled you impossibly closer still and dropped a kiss on top of your head. Across the room, Jared let out a huff of breath that was almost a laugh.

          “What?” Jensen asked, almost defensively.

          “Nothing, nothing. It’s just—you two together. It’s…”

          “Weird?”

          “Oddly enough, no. It’s not weird. And that’s what’s weird. I mean, you’re my best friend and she’s my little sister. It should be weird, right?”

          This would probably be a good time to ‘wake up.’ After all, you’d already left Jensen alone to deal with Jared once.

          So you shifted a little, pressing your face into Jensen’s chest. Both men stopped talking and you could feel two pairs of eyes on you.

          “Hey there. How’d you sleep?” Jensen asked in a hushed voice as he smoothed his hand over your hair.

          “How long was I out?” Your voice was scratchy from disuse.

          “Over four hours. Sleeping on the job. What a slacker,” Jared joked. You twisted just enough to glare at him over your shoulder, but refused to dislodge the way Jensen was just as wrapped around you as you were him. Your brother just laughed and stood up. “Jense, our scene is in half an hour. They need you in makeup.”

          Jared left, and Jensen followed after making sure that you were okay. You cleaned yourself up a bit in the bathroom before heading out in search of food.

          You hadn’t had a nightmare during your nap. Not exactly, anyway. You’d just dreamt of a little, tear-stained girl putting on each dress that was handed to her by someone who stayed just out of view the whole dream. The girl’s bottom lip trembled, but she was careful to hold in her whimpers and cries. The bruise on her right cheek bore testament to what happened if she cried, and she was a quick learner.

          After all, she was you.

          Well, the  _you_  that you imagined you were at that age. These dreams and nightmares weren’t really memories. You didn’t remember anything from those two weeks. You were just making up scenarios that could have happened as a coping mechanism for everything that was happening. All of your worst fears, your mother’s worst fears, Jared’s worst fears… they came to life in your dreams.

          You grabbed a plate of food and claimed an empty table.

_Dumpling_.

          Hopefully these dreams would stop when they finally found the bastard who was haunting those dreams.

          “You and Jensen disappeared for quite a while,” Misha sat down next to you with his own plate and wiggled his eyebrows.

          It was no secret that you and Jensen flirted a lot. You just had to keep everyone thinking that flirting was all that was happening. “Are you scared I’m stealing him away from you?”

          “Not at all. Jensen and I share a more profound bond,” he declared dramatically, voice lowering to his Castiel voice.

          A bark of laughter escaped your lips, lightening your mood. “I didn’t know the writers based Dean and Cas’s relationship off you and Jensen in real life.”

          Misha nodded very seriously. “There’s a lot of depth in the writing process. I actually help with it quite a bit. They ask me for my help. It’s really not a big deal…”

          It wasn’t long before he cracked a smile. The two of you ate, talked, and laughed until it was time for your scene.

* * *

          “Don’t tell me,” your flat voice filled the room. “This is another one of your demons?”

          The man in the trenchcoat narrowed his alarmingly blue eyes at you and tilted his head like a puppy. “I’m no demon.”

          “Oh, good. Thanks for clearing that up. Because I can  _always_  trust weird men who just show up in my hotel room.”

          Beside you, the irritating demon who seemed to haunt your life spoke. “Technically it’s the Winchester’s hotel ro—“

          “Shut up, Crowley,” you cut in before his annoying British accent could grate on your nerves any more.

          You supposed that you should be scared of him, or at least watch your mouth around him, but he wasn’t worth it. Your sister was dead because of him. He promised to save her, but he couldn’t even do that. And he let you treat him however you wanted because he was embarrassed that he had to recount his deal with you. Your soul was no longer his because he hadn’t been able to hold up his end of the bargain. He messed up, and your sister paid the price.

          You turned back to the new man after glancing at the clock on the wall. The Winchesters should be back anytime now. You just had to stall.

          “If you’re no angel then— _shit_ ,” your slip made you break character. Behind you, Mark let out a quick laugh, but Misha tried to stay in character.

          “Since I  _am_  an angel, does that mean I don’t have to shit?”

          “Shut up, Misha,” you muttered with a grin, trying to re-center yourself. Once everyone settled, you backed up a line, getting annoyed with Crowley’s accent.

          “Shut up, Crowley,” you cut in before his annoying British accent could grate on your nerves any more.  

          You supposed that you should be scared of him, or at least watch your mouth around him, but he wasn’t worth it. Your sister was dead because of him. He promised to save her, but he couldn’t even do that. And he let you treat him however you wanted because he was embarrassed that he had to recount his deal with you. Your soul was no longer his because he hadn’t been able to hold up his end of the bargain. He messed up, and your sister paid the price.

          You turned back to the new man after glancing at the clock on the wall. The Winchesters should be back anytime now. You just had to stall.

          “If you’re no demon, then what are you?”

          “I’m an angel of the Lord.”

          Hold up.

          “Angel? Of course. Of course angels are real too. Why not?” Your hands tugged through your hair and you paced. When had your life gotten so weird?

          “Y/N, can you make your movements a little more deliberate?” A director suggested from his chair behind the cameras. You nodded and re-evaluated Quinn’s state of mind. “Good. Go from  _If you’re no demon_.”

          “If you’re no demon,” you eyed the newcomer through narrow eyes, “Then what  _are_  you?”

          “I’m an angel of the Lord.”

          Hold up. Your jaw went slack as you worked through this simple statement.

          “Angel?” Suddenly it felt like it was too much and you rubbed your hand down your face. “Of course. Of course angels are real too. Why not?” Your hands tugged through your hair and you started pacing. When had your life gotten so weird?

          “Are you… Are you okay, Quinn?” The angel seemed like he was concerned, but your few months experience in this new world had taught you that monsters didn’t feel emotion.

          Nevertheless, you had some emotions to expel. So you planted your feet and looked at the angel and demon in front of you. “Of course I’m okay. Why wouldn’t I be? I mean, a year ago the closest thing I came to anything supernatural was when my little sister dragged me to Comic-Con and a guy dressed up as a vampire tried to grope me. Now my sister is dead and I’m standing between an angel and a demon. Life is great. What an upgrade.”

          Both men were silent for a moment. Then the angel spoke up. “Was that sarcasm?”

          Your eyes shot to him in disbelief. Then you looked over at Crowley. At least he understood sarcasm. “Where did you find this guy?”

          “Don’t look at me. Castiel is the Winchester’s pet.”

          Castiel started to protest Crowley’s description just as the director yelled cut and called it a wrap.

          You were done for the day, but the boys still had another scene. Since you didn’t want to stick around, you called for Ralph to drive you back home, but not before you took a selfie with Mark and Misha, ideas for a twitter caption already flying through your mind.


	10. Chapter 10

          “ _My shoulder angels and demons are hotter than yours._  Seriously?"Jensen read the caption on your tweet with the selfie you’d taken with Misha and Mark earlier that day from his phone as you got ready for bed that night. “You know the fans will probably make shirt out of that or something.”

          “They probably already have. Something to that effect, anyway,” you countered. The bed dipped when you sat next to him and propped your chin on his shoulder. “Don’t worry, Jense. You’re still the hottest guy on set.”

          “Damn straight.” Laughing, you kissed his cheek before getting up to double check that all of the doors and windows were locked. It was Friday night, which meant that you got to sleep in tomorrow, and you were determined to actually sleep. Your nap on set today had reminded you how amazing it felt to be well-rested.

_Dumpling_.

          Jensen came up behind you when you were checking the outside door and wrapped his arms around you. His lips brushed your ear as he spoke. “I’ve been thinking about how to get you to sleep through the night.”

          “Oh yeah?” Leaning back into his firm chest, you folded your arms on top of his.

          “I know that I sleep better if I’m exhausted.”

          A low-burning fire started deep in your belly and your lips turned up in a grin. Then you turned around and locked your fingers behind his neck. “How do you suggest I get to that point of exhaustion?”

          His hands rubbed down your back and a devilish grin crossed his face. He curled his fingers under your thighs and you jumped up, wrapping your legs around his hips. “I have a few ideas…”

          Jensen’s lips crashed into yours as he carried you to the bedroom.

* * *

          “Morning,” Jensen’s smug face greeted you when you woke up. “You slept all night. I guess tiring you out really does help.”

          Memories of last night came back to you and a moan escaped you throat. “I don’t think I’ll be able to handle that every night though.”

          Jensen rolled onto his back and pulled you on top of him. You leaned down and kissed him, heat from last night flooding the space around you two. With his hands skimming your bare body and the solid muscles of his body underneath you, you were having a hard time catching your breath.

          Then he pulled back and smirked up at you. “Can’t handle that every night? Guess we’ll just have to be creative, then.”

          That smirk unfurled something inside you. Your had either heart stopped completely, or it was racing so fast that each heartbeat wasn’t discernable from the others. Either way, you couldn’t stop staring at him as this new feeling overwhelmed you. “Jensen, I—“

          A spark flickered in his eyes and you caught yourself before you could say anything that could ruin your relationship. You hadn’t even been dating a month yet. That definitely wasn’t enough time.

          "I should go shower,” you finished lamely.

          Jensen’s arms wrapped around your waist, anchoring you to him. “That wasn’t what you were going to say.”

          “Yes it was,” you countered too quickly. Jensen grinned at your quick denial. He was way too smart and confident for his own good.

          “No it wasn’t. Say it, Y/N,” his voice dropped to a whisper, eyes drilling into yours.

_‘Say it, Princess. Say it for Daddy.’_

          It was like a cold oceanic wave surged through your veins. This wasn’t the normal voice you heard in your mind. This was brand new. It was chilling.

          Jensen saw the change in you and immediately dropped his arms, giving you freedom to move. “Y/N, what is it? What did I do?”

_‘C’mon princess. Daddy really needs to hear you say it.’_

          “Ohmigod, ohmigod.” You sat up, fighting for breath, but no matter how many times you gasped for air, none of it made it into your lungs.

          “Y/N, calm down, you’re hyperventilating.” You were faintly aware of someone’s hands on your cheeks, trying to soothe you, but it didn’t help.

_‘I love you, Daddy,’ you sobbed._

          “No, no. No!”

_A sharp sting echoed across your cheek where he slapped you. ‘Stop crying you little bitch!’ Then there was pain all over, in places you knew weren’t supposed to be painful._

          “Y/N!” Jensen had you by the shoulders, shaking you a little. That was enough to bring you back to yourself.

          “It’s all real, isn’t it?” Tears slipped past the cage of your eyelashes and your body shook. “I’m not—I’m not making any of it up, am I? The nightmares, the things I hear in my head. I’m not making them up. I'm—I’m remembering, aren’t I?”

* * *

          “They made me try on dresses,” you said when Jensen came out of the bathroom, rubbing a towel over his wet hair. He paused and looked up at you. You were sitting cross-legged in the middle of your bed wearing only one of his shirts. Your own damp hair left dark, wet spots across the shoulders of his shirt.

          “What?”

          There wasn’t enough time to get him up-to-speed. Your mind was racing at a hundred miles per hour and going nowhere. “Everything else makes sense. Everything they… everything they did to me. I mean, the kind of sick psychos that kidnap a little girls. It makes sense for them to do all those things. But… they made me try on dresses. They played dress-up with me. What the hell?”

          There was a long pause as Jensen tried to figure out what to say to that. “Yeah, you’re right. That doesn’t make any sense.”

          “You think I’m crazy, don’t you? For trying to get inside their heads.”

          “Pretty much,” Jensen replied lightly, smiling to show that he was mostly joking. He leaned over with his hands on the mattress on either side of you and kissed you softly. “But crazy works on you.”

          You kissed him back before he straightened and walked over to the suitcase he’d packed. His jeans hung low on his hips and there was still a sheen of steam on his chest from his shower. A shirtless Jensen Ackles was enough to distract you from dark thoughts.

          Someone knocked on the door connecting the apartment to the house and you reflexively called for them to come in as you unwound your legs and stood up, padding over to Jensen.

          “Henley,” you said, digging through the clothes that had been haphazardly tossed into the case until you found a dark grey Henley. Jensen just watched you with a cocked eyebrow. You pressed the shirt against his chest and shrugged. “Crazy works on me. Henleys work on you.”

          He leaned down to kiss you as the door opened and Jared walked in. “Am I interrupting anything?”

          “Jensen’s having a hard time getting dressed.”

          “At least I’m wearing pants,” he retorted.

          You glanced down at the way his jeans were barely hanging on to his hips and bit back a grin. “It’s unfortunate, really.”

          “Guys,” Jared broke in.

          “Sorry,” you and Jensen mumbled, looking away. You cleared your throat and took a step towards your closet. “I’m gonna get dressed. Then I think I need to talk to you, J.”

          “You think?” Jared asked, eyeing you with concern.

          “She does,” Jensen made the final decision, pulling the shirt over his head. You nodded and headed into your walk-in closet.

          Jensen’s teasing about pants echoed in your mind, so you headed to where your dresses hung up. Your fingers skipped over the hangers, trying to find something you felt like wearing today.

_‘This one makes you look like a princess, doesn’t it Dumpling?’_

          Snapping your hand away from the dresses with a gasp, your fingers curled into a fist. You focused on your breathing, trying to stay under control. For a moment you almost turned your back on the dresses, but then you set your jaw and stayed planted where you were.

          You liked dresses. No one was going to take that away from you. Especially voices in your head.

          Swiftly and decisively, you picked out a three-toned orange halter top that you bought during your last shopping trip with Gen, but hadn’t yet worn. The soft, flowy fabric stopped a few inches above your knees. It was fun and summery and you definitely needed the pick-me-up today.

_‘You look just like a princess. Doesn’t she look like a princess?’_

          “Stop,” you whispered. You closed your eyes and shook your head as if that would stop you from hearing that voice. After a few deep breaths, you rejoined Jared and Jensen who were seated at the small, square table with a plate of muffins in the middle. Jensen was already stuffing his face, but Jared had probably eaten with his family because he was just picking at one.

          “Look at me: not wearing pants in a socially accepted manner,” you finger-combed through your damp hair as you sat down.

          You’d just taken your first bite of a muffin when Jared spoke. “There’s another article.”

          Stopping mid-chew, you stared at your brother for a moment. “What?”

          “Here,” he pulled the article up on his phone and slid it to you. You set the muffin down and focused entirely on the words in front of you. The more you read, the angrier you got. When you got to the end, you scrolled back up, skimming as you went. “God, I hate people like this.”

          “What’s it say?” Jensen asked.

          You handed him Jared’s phone as you gave him the summary. “They think we leaked the  _story_  of my kidnapping for publicity for my new movie. They’re saying that we’re using this traumatic event to spike interest and sympathy in me and therefore interest for  _Runaway Love_.” You twisted your hair up into a knot on top of your head and secured it with a hair tie that was lying on the table. “How long do you think we have before this gets big?”

          “Hopefully it won’t,” Jared answered.

          “Yeah,” you agreed, absently finishing off your muffin as you thought about the article. Jensen kicked you under the table and you looked at him. He jerked his head toward Jared.

_Dumpling_.

          “Right. Um, J… I’ve been remembering some things.”

          He froze. “What kinds of things?”

_‘Say it, Princess.’_

          “The things that I went through. Back then.”

          Watching your declaration settle into Jared was one of the most heartbreaking things you’d ever seen. His sharp intake of breath speared you and it became suddenly apparent that he held on tightly to the knowledge that you weren’t suffering. That you didn’t remember. That you were still innocent.

          Jared spent his whole life protecting you.

          But this was something he couldn’t protect you from.


	11. Chapter 11

          Another article came out later that weekend. And another the next Tuesday. Three more came out by the time you finished shooting the episode. Everyone bonded together to make sure you wouldn’t have any free time where you could obsess over the articles or the comments. There were more and more reporters loitering around Jared’s neighborhood and the set, setting your nerves on edge.

          So when the next weekend rolled around and it was a con weekend, Jared and Jensen dragged you along. Being around so many amazing people helped soothe you for a few hours, but it wasn’t long before the feeling that you didn’t belong there came back. While Jared and Jensen were in their panel, you snuck away to a vacant room and pulled out your phone.

          So many of the comments were supportive. Some of them agreed with the second article that this was just a cry for attention.

          And every article had a comment from D. His comments were always benign and mostly supportive. There were a few where he didn’t call you Dumpling, but you still knew which comments were his. You didn’t know how you knew, but there wasn’t a doubt in your mind which comments were left by D.

          As you were scrolling through the comments on the seventh article looking for D’s comment, Jared called you, his picture popping up in the corner of your screen.

          “What’s up?” He was supposed to be in his panel still.

          “Get your butt over here. The audience is summoning you.” You could hear the crowd get louder and Jared laughed. “I think some of them are getting ready to perform a ritual.”

          You laughed lightly and pushed all thoughts of D from your mind. You could find time later to go through the comments. “I’ll be right there.”

          After hanging up, you cleared your search history and closed the Chrome app. You knew there was still a trace of what you’d been doing, but this was all you could do.  Then you pocketed your phone and headed out, back into the noise and exhilaration of the con.

          As you made your way through the crowded hallways with one of Ralph’s employees tailing you, a few fans stopped you, but you were mostly invisible. You were nowhere near as interesting as Jared or Jensen.

          “Oh, sorry,” an older woman apologized when you bounded around a corner and ran into her.

          “No, it’s my bad. Guess I should look where I’m going, right?”

          Her face softened into a smile. “I’m a huge fan, by the way, Y/N. I’ve followed your career from the start.”

          “Thank you.” You started to ask for her name, but she spoke again.

          “You look like you’re in a hurry, so I won’t keep you. It was great seeing you again,” she grabbed your hand a squeezed before quickly letting go. You started for the panel again, but something made you look back at her. She had disappeared into the crowd.

          You shook it off and made it to the room where the J2 panel was. Mike, by his nametag, was waiting backstage with a mic for you. You thanked him and walked just offstage, waiting for a good time to go on.

          Jensen spotted you first and grinned. He brought his mic up to his mouth and interrupted Jared’s story. “Looks like your ritual worked. Let’s welcome Y/N Padalecki to the stage!”

          The crowd roared in your ears and a grin split your face as you walked onto the stage. Jared and Jensen were both sitting on barstools. Jared, of course, was sitting backwards. After the crowd quieted down, you lifted the mic to your lips.

          “Are there only two stools?” A glance off stage told you that they were finding another, but you waved your hand to stop their efforts. “Nah, that’s okay. I can just sit on Jensen.”

          The crowd hooted and you made a big show of climbing onto Jensen’s lap. Obvious flirting was the best way to hide an actual relationship. Then Jared climbed off his stool and jumped onto your lap, setting the crowd off in laughter.

          “Didn’t want to miss out on the fun, huh?” You asked, voice echoing through the room.

          “I’ve seen some of the outtakes from the first scene you guys shot together. You two need a chaperone,” Jared teased. The audience latched onto his insinuation, yelling for more information.

          You rolled your eyes and shoved him off of you. “We had dozens of chaperones.”

          “Exactly! You need one closer. In fact…” Jared tried to wiggle between you and Jensen.

          “If you wanna sit on my lap, just say the word, J,” Jensen said in a low, husky voice.

          Needless to say, it was a few moments before everyone calmed down enough to continue on with the panel. Mike the stagehand brought out another stool and you decided it would probably be best to sit by yourself. You’d only been onstage a few minutes and there was already plenty of rumors starting.

          “Anyway, Y/N.” Jared started looking through the audience for someone. “I called you because someone asked a question I thought would be better if you answered. Where’d she—oh, hi! Cindy, right?”

          You looked toward the commotion as a short teenage girl headed toward the microphone.

          “Well, Cindy. Y/N’s here now. Ask away,” Jared swept his hand out in permission for her to take over.

          “Hi, Y/N,” Cindy said in a shaky, excited voice.

          “Hey, Cindy.”

          “I’m a big fan. Really excited for  _Runaway Love_ to come out. My question was: what convinced you to take the roll of Quinn so soon after you finished shooting? I read somewhere that you started filming that episode a week after  _Runaway Love_?”

          “Actually, I didn’t even have a week. I finished  _Runaway Love_  on a Tuesday and I went to the Supernatural set on Friday to read with some of the cast and see if I would be a good fit. As for why I decided to actually take the role…”

          You considered your answer carefully before throwing reason to the wind. After all, you were known to be a pretty big flirt in the press anyway, and rumors about you and Jensen were sure to happen after this panel regardless of your answer. “I read through the script and saw that my character got to kiss Jensen’s and I was like,  _hell yes!_ ”

          As the audience laughed and cheered at that, you decided that you couldn’t leave it at that. These fans deserved so much more. “No, but really. Um… I don’t really know what it was. I went on set that first day with the full intention of just reading, showing up, doing Jared a favor then turning down the role and starting my vacation. But there was just something about the set and the people… I read with Mark and Ruth and fell in love with Quinn when I said her first line. There’s just something special about Supernatural, and I couldn’t say no.”

          Shouts of agreement came from the audience. Cindy thanked you for your answer and the panel moved on. You stayed for fifteen more minutes, tossing in a few jokes or answering a question or two. You were still an outsider in this family, but it wasn’t as bad this time.

          The panel started winding down and you excused yourself so the fans could have the last few minutes with only Jared and Jensen. After all, they had paid to see them, not you. So you handed your mic to Mike and headed back into the hallways.

_Dumpling_.

          The voice was back. You’d gone nearly all day without thinking about the reason you had a bodyguard following your every move.

          A tap on your arm dragged you out of your thoughts and you glanced over to see two nervous girls watching you. “Can… can we get a picture with you?”

          “Of course,” you smiled and they hurried to stand on either side of you. They took a few to make sure they got a good one, then asked for your autograph. As you signed their notebooks, you took another look at the girls. “Cute dresses. I love that shade of blue.”

          “Me too! My mom took me shopping when we got the tickets to this con because I’ve been waiting forever and she thought that I deserved a new dress and as soon as I saw this one I just knew that I had to have it…” she trailed off, blushing.

          Completely used to fans who spoke in run-on sentences around you, you just smiled at her. “Well, you have great taste. Enjoy the rest of the con!”

          With a wave, you walked away. A ghost of your smile still lingered on your lips as you thought about her words. Shopping trips with your mom were some of your favorite memories. You could spend hours at the mall with her, even if you didn’t buy anything. Trying on new clothes, chatting, and eating the greasy food court burgers had always been the highlight of your mother-daughter time.

_Dumpling_.

          You flinched as that word infiltrated your happy memories with your mother.

          “Hey, Y/N, you okay?” Jared had come up behind you and he wrapped an arm around your shoulders. He steered you down an empty hallway, Jensen behind you two.

          “Yeah. Yeah, I’m good. Just—just tired.”

          He didn’t believe you. Your brother looked down at you. “You sure?”

          You wrapped your arm around his waist and laid your head on his shoulder as you walked toward a break room. “Mostly.”

* * *

          You rolled over, groaning and stretching as you woke up. The other side of the bed was empty, so you cracked open your eyes and searched the room for Jensen. Somehow, you managed to sleep longer than he had.

          He poked his head out of the hotel bathroom with a toothbrush hanging from his lips.

          “Morning,” he greeted around a mouthful of toothpaste. “How’d you sleep?”

          The corners of your mouth turned up as they always did when you saw him first thing in the mornings. “Really good. No nightmares. No dreams at all, really.”

          “Good.”

          He went back into the bathroom to finish getting ready and you lay back on the bed, amazed at how well you felt after an actual good night’s sleep. You were completely relaxed, your mind felt deliciously blank, and all of your worries felt far away.

          After a few minutes, you got up and started getting ready. Since you showered the night before, you just had to throw on some clothes and make sure your face and hair were presentable.

          As you rifled through the dresses you brought, you thought back to the fan the day before who told you about shopping with her mother and a soft smile crossed your face. You pulled out the only blue dress you had packed and put it on, the soft fabric settling around your shoulders and waist.

_‘You look just like a princess. Doesn’t she look like a princess?’_

          Suddenly, it was like all of the puzzle pieces clicked together.

          ‘ _Doesn’t matter what she looks like if she keeps crying like a bitch.’_

          “Oh my god,” you breathed, eyes wide.

          Jensen came out of the bathroom, buttoning up his shirt. “What?”

          You spun around and frantically started searching the pile of your clothes from yesterday. “I gotta call Ralph. I need to— _where_  is my damn phone?”

          After realizing your phone wasn’t in your clothes, you jumped to you purse. It only took a few seconds before you just dumped everything out on the bed and dug through the pile.

          “Y/N, what’s going on?”

          “I just need to—“ a piece of paper caught your attention. You hadn’t put that in your purse. Slowly, you reached over and picked it up. You could feel Jensen standing behind you, looking over your shoulder as you unfolded the paper.

_I miss you. Do you miss me? -D_

          As if it burned you, you dropped the note and took a step back, bumping into Jensen’s chest. Both of you watched as it floated back down to the bed. Every time you thought you could have a good day, D showed up and reminded you that good days were a thing of the past.

          "How did that get there?”

          You had no idea. “I need my phone. I need to—“

          "Call Ralph, I know.” Jensen pulled out his phone and handed it to you. “Was that bastard at the con yesterday? Is that how he got the note in your purse?”

          “D isn’t a man, Jense,” you said distractedly as you scrolled through his contacts to Ralph’s name. You pressed call and looked up into your boyfriend’s confused face. “D’s a woman.”


	12. Chapter 12

          It was taking everything you had not to punch this journalist and she hadn’t even gotten to you yet. For the last ten minutes, she’d been completely focused on Haden, digging as deep as she could into his personal life. This woman had no boundaries. Reporters like this made you so angry, but you had to keep a pleasant demeanor.

          “I’ve heard that you and your fiancée are having some problems. I’ve even heard that you’ve postponed your wedding, is that true?”

          “That’s really none of your business,” you cut in, unable to stay quiet any longer.

          “Excuse me?” You had a reputation of being one of the easiest celebrities to interview. You were usually laid back and let most things slide.

          But you were so wound tight from everything that was happening, that you couldn’t handle another ounce of bullshit. You had real problems. “Haden’s personal life is none of your business. Unless he freely offers information on it or you cleared the topic beforehand, don’t keep digging.”

          “It seems like I’ve touched a nerve,” the interviewer glanced at the camera like she’d just gotten the juiciest bit of gossip. “Is there something going on between you and Haden?”

          “Only on screen,” you answered in clipped words.

          “That’s right… you have a lot going on in your own life right now. All those articles coming out about your kidnapping as a child. Are they bringing up memories? It must be difficult for your friends and family as well. I can’t imagine how they must be feeling, watching you go through this…”

_Dumpling_.

          Anger boiled over and you fought to keep the glare off your face. You answered her questions in a cold, unrelenting voice. “If I ever choose to share my story on camera, I can assure you that it won’t be on your show. This interview’s over.”

          You stood up and started walking away, followed by a very relieved Haden.

          “Wait! We still have fifteen more minutes with you two!”

          Fucking journalists thinking they’re entitled to your time and thoughts. You couldn’t just walk away from that. So you spun around, fully aware that the cameras were pointed at you and your mic was still on, and set her straight.

          “And you might have gotten those fifteen minutes if you hadn’t been such a bitch. We did this interview as a favor to one of our producers. Now, we have nothing against aspiring journalists. We’ve done dozens of interviews with new shows like yours and magazines that don’t sell many copies. Sometimes those are the interviews that are the most fun. But let me tell you why Jimmy Fallon, Ellen, and all of the other great talk show hosts have their own shows with millions of viewers:

          “They respect their guests. They clear all topics beforehand. They accept  _no_  as an answer and they do it gracefully. They gain our trust and they keep it. We know that they won’t try to twist our words to fit their agendas. So we keep going back to their shows. Other celebrities agree to go on their shows because people like me who have already been on their shows have good things to say about them. They understand that we are people, not a story for you to exploit.”

          She was watching you with wide, shocked eyes. Everyone was, really. You never went off like that in public.

          After a moment more of making sure she heard you loud and clear, you turned around and resumed walking out, tearing the mic and the battery pack from you and handing it to someone before you could throw it across the room and create even more of a scene.

          Since the interview was in the same hotel you and Haden were staying at for the Gala your producer insisted you come to, you just had to call an elevator. As soon as the doors closed, you deflated. Your back hit the wall and your head fell against the cool metal.

          “That was… that was something,” Haden broke the silence. “I feel like I should be clapping, or something.”

          “Don’t feel obligated,” you muttered as the beginning of a headache twinged in your brain.

          “Seriously. That was amazing, Y/N. Do you have any idea how long I’ve wanted to do that to a reporter? You’re my new idol.”

_Dumpling_.

          “Yeah? Well your new idol just created a scandal. I’m gonna be getting a call from my publicist soon.”

          The elevator pulled to a stop and you and Haden stepped out. He slung his arm around your shoulders as you walked down the hallway to your rooms. “It was completely worth it though. That show was live, so she can’t edit your words or cut that out. Everyone saw the whole thing.”

          “Doesn’t matter. The press will still find a way to twist me into the bitchy diva and her into the victim. That’s just what it does.”

          By now you’d reached your room, and you unlocked the door. Ralph was stationed just down the hallway. You nodded to him just to acknowledge that you knew he was there before stepping inside. Haden followed you.

          “Are you talking about those articles about you?” He sat next to you on the couch, resting his arm on the backrest behind you. “Because anyone with half a brain knows they’re all bullshit. You aren’t making that up and—“

          “I really don’t want to talk about that,” you broke in. But, for some reason, you just kept talking. Maybe it was because you missed your friend. You hadn’t talked to Haden in forever and here he was, acting like everything was fine between you two again. Maybe it was because he didn’t know the details, so he couldn’t be as biased as Jensen or Jared. You couldn’t talk to them about it because they would analyze everything you said.

_Dumpling_.

          “My life is a mess, Haden. Those articles…” you shook your head and took a deep breath. “They’re ruining me. They’re bringing up all these memories. Not just for me, but for my family too. I can’t focus. I can’t sleep. They had to keep changing the schedule on the episodes of Supernatural I filmed because things kept coming up. You know how much I hate when people have to move things around to accommodate me.”

          Haden move his arm from the couch to your shoulders and pulled you into his side. That small action reminded you of so many times on sets when you would be waiting for a scene and the two of you would sit on the ground and just talk.

          “I’m ruining my brother’s life, my boyfriend’s life, my nephews’ lives. I just—“

          “Boyfriend?”

          “Yeah…” you sighed and lay your head on his shoulder, thinking about the nights Jensen would wake you up from your nightmares. The times you overheard Jared telling Gen how exhausted Jensen was on set. How distracted he was getting, worrying about you.

          “How long has that been going on?” Haden asked, trying to infuse the situation with some enthusiasm, but even he couldn’t pull that off. He heard the tone in your voice.

          You turned your head to look up at him. “Does it matter? Everything has an expiration date. That’s one thing movies always get wrong. There aren’t any happy endings.”

          “Happy endings are for schmucks,” he agreed softly. His eyes dropped to your lips and his head lowered minutely. You knew you should stop this. Stand up, push him away, anything. He was engaged and you were still dating Jensen, for however long that lasted.

          Instead, you tilted your head up and caught his lips with yours.

          You’d kissed Haden hundreds of times, but those kisses had always been scripted. And while Haden’s kiss didn’t make each of your cells come alive like Jensen’s did, his kiss was familiar. You two knew each other. You found comfort in Haden’s kiss.

          “We should stop,” he mumbled against your mouth.

          Pulling back just far enough to look into his eyes, you agreed. “Yeah. We should.”

          Haden made no move away from you. His fingers were still tangled in your hair.

_You know those mistakes that you know are mistakes but you just have to make them anyway?_

          Eyes still locked on his, you slid your hand under the hem of his shirt and tugged. He drew in a short breath before pulling the shirt over his head and kissing you again, pressing you back against the couch.

* * *

          “This was a mistake,” Haden whispered. You’d migrated to the bed and were laying under the sheet. You were curled into his side and his arm was around you. There were many times you’d lain like this, but it had been on set with everyone directing every movement.

          “Yeah, it was.”

          “We can pretend it never happened,” he suggested, though you could tell by his voice that he wasn’t serious. Haden was one of the more truthful people you’d met. He wouldn’t want to start his marriage off on a lie.

          So you just shook your head, knowing that he needed some response. The guilt at cheating on Jensen was eating you up already. “At least now you know that there isn’t anything between us. That could work to your advantage once Janelle calms down. She loves you. She’ll forgive you eventually.”

          “And your boyfriend?”

          “He’ll forgive me,” you muttered. “After all, who can break up with the girl who has nightmares every night? He’s too nice.”

_Dumpling._

          “You don’t sound too happy about that.”

          You thought about everything Jensen had done for you since you got together. He was the perfect boyfriend. And all that you’d done for him was bring him problems. “I’m ruining his life, Haden. I have to break up with him.”

          He was quiet for a long moment. “Are you sure? You could probably—“

          “My life is a mess. I wasn’t lying about that. I can feel it spiraling out of control. Just take a look at today. I yelled at that journalist and I cheated on my boyfriend. The other day, I had an anxiety attack in the shower because it felt like the walls were closing in on me and it reminded me of when they used to throw me in a closet and lock the door. I—I—I know that I’m crashing, and I refuse to take him down with me.”

          Haden turned on his side and pulled you into his arms. You accepted the embrace, but refused to cry. “It’s probably not as bad as you think it is.”

          You ignored him. “If you need any help with Janelle, let me know. I’ll talk to her if you think that’ll help. I’ll stay away. Anything you need.”

          “Okay,” he whispered. After getting dressed, he kissed you on the forehead and left to get ready for the Gala. You looked at the wrinkled sheets and closed your eyes.


	13. Chapter 13

          “I absolutely loved your performance on  _Haven’t We Met_?” Mrs. Gentry leaned closer and lowered her voice. Her eyes were sparkling with the possibility of gossip. “Tell me, how was it working with Brennan Groth?”

_What an asshole._  You matched her tone, though, and tried to find something you could compliment about Brennan. “Between you and me… top five actors that I’ve kissed.”

          An arm fell over your shoulders and Haden’s familiar musk enveloped you. “I’m at the top of that list, right?”

          “Of course,” you said with a roll of your eyes. In public, you and Haden had to act like nothing had happened. Then you whispered to Mrs. Gentry behind your hand, “Don’t tell his fiancée I said that.”

          Mrs. Gentry tittered at the little secret. People were so easy to charm. Tell them something they shouldn’t know and they were putty in your hands. Maybe it was the norm in Hollywood, but the ease with which you manipulated people put a sick feeling in your stomach. Most of the time you didn’t realize that you were doing it.

          “It was a pleasure seeing you again, Mrs. Gentry,” Haden laid a hand on her arm and she swooned. “I was hoping I could steal my costar for a moment. There’s someone I want her to meet.”

          “Of course! Don’t let an old hag like me keep you from enjoying your night.”

          “You’re no hag,” he winked and you could have sworn that she just about had a heart attack. “If anything, you’re an enchanting temptress.”

          As Haden led you away, you leaned in to whisper, “Laying it on a little thick there?”

          “Hey, it saved your ass, didn’t it?”

          “True. Thanks for that.” You weren’t quite sure what Mrs. Gentry did. Or her husband, for that matter. She was just always at events like these and always managed to corner any celebrity that she could find. Everyone had been one of her victims at some point.

          You looked over at your costar. Haden in a tux was always a sight to see, but you couldn’t even enjoy the view without a truckload of guilt resting on your shoulders.

          “We ruined us, didn’t we?” you whispered. He just glanced sideways at you and squeezed your shoulder.

* * *

          Sometime a few hours later, you found yourself alone on a balcony with a wineglass dangling from your fingers. The moonlight reflected off the glitter on your dark blue dress, making you look like a part of the starry night sky.

          “You look just like a scene from a movie,” a voice said off to the side.

          You glanced over to see a familiar, older woman hesitantly walking over. You couldn’t quite place her, so you fell onto your habit of making polite small talk. “I guess being in all of those movies is rubbing off on me.”

          “Can I—“ she motioned to the stone railing you were leaning against. You waved your hand and she mimicked your position with your forearms resting on the cold stone.

          You finished off your wine and turned to look at her. “You look really familiar. Have we met before?”

          She cast her eyes down. “Uh. At the Supernatural con. I ran into you—“

          A switch flipped in your brain and you tilted your head, studying her more closely. “You’re D, aren’t you?”

          Her eyes went wide and she looked around, backing away from you. “I promise I’m not here to—“

          “You won’t hurt me, I know.” Your calm words froze her. “I’m not going to call security.”

          She didn’t fully believe you. You could see it in the way she was poised for flight. “Why?”

          “Because…” How could you explain something that you just instinctively knew? “Because I know you. You never hurt me. It was always the man—Todd. You were the one who cleaned me up and tried to comfort me. You would never hurt me.”

          Cautiously, she relaxed and returned to the balcony railing, albeit a few more feet away than before. You turned to look back over the glittering lights of the city. “Can I just ask you: why? Why did you kidnap me? And why did you let him do all those things to me?”

          She didn’t speak for a long moment, and you weren’t going to push her. If she didn’t want to tell you, then you would have to accept the fact that you would never know. You were done pushing people into things they didn’t want to do. You were done using people to make yourself feel better.

          “Todd and I had been together since high school. We tried to have a baby, but I couldn’t get pregnant. He said that he found a way we could have a child and I was drawn to you. You were the perfect little girl. You reminded me of myself at that age. And you fit so well into our family. We loved you so much.”

          “Your husband had a very different way of showing his love than you did,” you said in a flat voice.

          D shifted and you could see her looking directly at you out of the corner of your eye, but you didn’t turn to look at her. “That was just how Todd showed his love.”

          At that, you couldn’t help but turn and study her again. D wasn’t a monster. She was a victim too.

* * *

_You think I’m crazy for wanting to get inside their heads, don’t you?_

          When you asked Jensen that, you thought you might have been a little crazy too. But you also thought that wanting to understand what happened to you and why they did what they did was normal. That anyone in your situation would want the same.

          And now that you understood, your entire life made sense.

          Why you jumped from movie to movie. Why all of your relationships had been no feelings, all sex. Why you only saw your family a handful of times each year. Why you always got so deep into your characters.

          It wasn’t because you were a good actress.

          It was because you wanted something you couldn’t have. Just like D. You wanted something real, but you couldn’t get it on your own, so you tried to steal it. You played characters who found true love. You surrounded yourself with Jared, Gen and their family. You latched onto the Supernatural family.

          But you never belonged.

          You couldn’t even remember the last time you’d told someone that you loved them.

          That was the difference between you and D. You knew when to let go. You knew where to draw the line. You knew when to cut ties so you wouldn’t ruin anyone else’s lives.

          You knew that the people in your life deserved more than you could give them.

          Because you knew what D had seen in you all those years ago.

          You’d wandered off alone under Jared’s watch. You were young and stupid, and that made you vulnerable. But D hadn’t seen that vulnerability. She’d seen a little girl who reminded her of herself. A little girl who was broken, but just couldn’t see it yet.

          Some people were just born different. You were one of those.

_You think I’m crazy for wanting to get inside their heads, don’t you?_

          It wasn’t wanting to get inside their heads that made you crazy. It was when you got inside and you understood them.

          You wouldn’t ever have anything like Jared and Gen. You wouldn’t ever be a part of the Supernatural family. It wasn’t written in your genetic code to give back as much as people gave you. Jared and Jensen gave their fans everything they could. You couldn’t even tell your family that you loved them.

          Decision made, you sat down in your hotel room after the gala and made two phone calls. The first to Ralph, and the second to Nevaeh.

* * *

          It was dark when you pulled up to Jared’s house. Ralph and his employees weren’t with you and, for the first time in months, you were completely alone. Convincing him that you weren’t in any danger had been a long and arduous conversation. He had guessed that you spoke with D and advised you to keep protection detail, and you insisted that he consider this case closed.

          In the end, you’d won.

          You got out of the car and silently let yourself into the apartment. You could deal with the fallout of your decisions and Jared’s inevitable arguments in the morning.

          And after a night of tossing and turning with nightmares, you couldn’t say that you were any more ready in the morning than you had been before you tried to get some sleep.

          You were halfway through packing when a knock came on the door. Preparing yourself for the inevitable fight that was about to happen, you padded over and opened the door. Your nephews attacked you with hugs and a reluctantly genuine smile broke onto your face.

          “Hey, Y/N. What time did you get in last night?” Jared asked, claiming his own hug with Gen following soon after.

          “Three? I’m not really sure.”

          “And how was your weekend? I saw your interview. Did it feel so good to put that bitch in her place?” Genevieve asked eagerly.

          “Oh, God yes.”

          Jared pulled you into another side hug. “That’s my sister.” Then he looked behind you and saw the mess of clothes in the room. “What’s going on here?”

          “I’m, uh. I’m packing.”

          “Packing?” your brother exclaimed. He walked to the window and looked out at where Ralph’s car usually was. “Where’s Ralph?”

          You straightened your back and lifted your chin. “He’s not working for me anymore.”

          Jared spun around and stared at you in disbelief. Gen ordered the boys to go play in their rooms, sensing the same fight coming that you knew was beginning. “Excuse me? Care to run that by me again? You fired him?”

          “His job was finished. I don’t need him anymore.”

          “You don’t—what about D? Did they catch her?”

          You wouldn’t be able to give him an answer that he would accept. So there wasn’t really a need to try and convince him that you knew what you were doing. “It’s taken care of, J. I’m not in any danger. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to pack.”

          Jared blocked you when you tried to get past him to your room. “No. Talk to me, Y/N. What’s going on? Why are you packing? Why did you fire Ralph?”

          “Nothing I say is going to satisfy you. I didn’t  _fire_  Ralph; the job is finished. I’m packing because I signed a new movie contract this weekend. I have a bunch of things to get done before filming starts back east in a few months.”

          This time, Jared let you push past him. Jared was still trying to reign in his frustration, but Gen followed you. “What happened this weekend?”

          “Nothing. I just… I need to move on. And I can’t do that here. Not with everyone treating me like a land mine that’ll blow up if you apply any pressure.”

          It took nearly an hour, but they finally reluctantly agreed that you had to live your life how you wanted. Neither of them were happy with your decisions, but eventually Gen helped you pack, which you took as a good sign.

          They would get over it. They had each other, after all.

* * *

          “Hey,” Jensen grinned when he opened his door. He leaned in for a kiss, but you turned your head so he caught your cheek instead. His forehead wrinkled, but he didn’t comment. “How was your weekend?”

          “Very eventful,” you replied shortly, trying to build the courage to say what you needed to.

          He waited for a moment, but you didn’t add anything else. “That’s all I get? Eventful?”

          “You want more? Okay… I ran out of an interview after yelling at the journalist on live TV, I fired Ralph, and I—“

          “You fired Ralph? Why would you do that?”

          You hadn’t even taken off your shoes and the fight was already starting. “I’m not in danger. So I don’t need him anymore.”

          “Not in—“ Jensen paused. “Did they catch D? Is she behind bars?”

          “I’m safe, Jensen. I promise.”

          He still didn’t understand. “How can you be so sure? If she’s still out there, you’re in danger. You need to call Ralph and get him back here—“

          His concern was making you anxious. You couldn’t handle it; not from him. Not after what you did. You just wanted to get this over with. Like pulling a bandaid off. The sooner you hurt him, the sooner he could start moving on.

          “I slept with Haden.” You blurted out, just to get Jensen to shut up for a minute and move on from Ralph. “This weekend.”

          That definitely struck him speechless. “You… what?”

          He’d heard you, and you didn’t particularly want to repeat yourself, so you just watched as the hurt and anger played over his face.

          “Why?”

          “I don’t know.” It was the truth.

          “That’s not an answer, Y/N.” He crossed his arms, anger overtaking the hurt. Ralph was completely forgotten in light of this new confession.

          “Well it’s the only answer I have, Jensen.”

          He started pacing. “Why would you sleep with someone else? Did I do anything to push you away or—“

          “I don’t know!” You yelled, hoping he would stop blaming himself. This wasn’t his fault. It was all you. “One minute we were talking and the next… I just. Don’t. Know!”

          He stared at you in shock for a moment before his face softened. No, no, no. That wasn’t supposed to happen. He was supposed to stay angry. Instead, he was reaching for you. “I’m sorry, Y/N. It must’ve been—“

          You swatted his hands away. “Don’t do that! Don’t pretend it’s okay. Don’t act like I had any excuse for what I did. What has happened to me in the past is no excuse for me cheating on you. God, can’t you see? You treat me differently because you think I’ll break if you don’t watch your step. I fucking cheated on you and you’ve already dismissed it because I’ve been so  _stressed_? You’ve already moved on from anger to acceptance to forgiveness? I can’t be with someone who is scared to call me out or stay angry with me. I can’t be with someone who’s scared to break up with me because they think  _I’ll_ break.”

          “What are you saying?” He whispered, scared. “Are you…”

          You blew out a long breath and looked away. After a moment more of preparing yourself, you looked back at his beautiful eyes. “I signed a contract this weekend. It’s a movie deal back east and I’m leaving tonight. I’m… I’m breaking up with you, Jensen.”


	14. Chapter 14

          “Men: Who needs ‘em?” Devon said, holding up her wine glass for a toast.

          You clinked her glass with yours. “Amen to that.”

          “I’m never going to go on another date again,” she vowed, and you just laughed. She turned to you defensively. “What? You think I can’t do that?”

          “I’d like to see you try. Dev, you’ve had at least one date a week since we were sixteen. You can’t do it.”

          She pouted. “Well, I’m going to. Jake ruined dating for me.”

          “Right.” You didn’t believe her. She loved getting all dolled up and wowing her dates when they saw her for the first time out of her work attire.

          Devon scoffed. “Like you’re much better. You have guys hanging off every word you say. Remember that day I went to your work and there were, no joke, seven guys hanging around your desk?”

          “I was showing them the advertising campaign I’d been working on.”

          “They were drooling.”

          You opened your mouth to prove her wrong, but you really couldn’t. Still, you couldn’t let her win like that. “Well, I bet I can go longer without a date than you can.”

          “You’re on.”

          "Cut! Great job today, guys. That’s a wrap. Go home and get some sleep. Tomorrow’s packed full and it’s an early call.”

          You and Danneel both groaned.

          “I swear, when this is over, I’m gonna sleep for a month.”

          “Tell me about it. I don’t think I’ve ever had a movie that has such a tight schedule,” you agreed. Then you turned to Danneel with a teasing glint in your eyes. “Are you sure you’re gonna sleep, though? You keep telling me about this secret boyfriend of yours… I think once he gets you all to himself, you two won’t sleep for a week.”

          She grinned. “You’re probably right.”

          The two of you headed to change out of your clothes. In the past, you would have pressed her for details, trying to become friends. But now you knew that people deserved to have their secrets. After all, you didn’t want anyone finding out about your therapy sessions each Saturday. Jared might be open and candid about his struggle with depression, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do that. It was a miracle you had even called the therapist in the first place.

          You and Danneel left the building that your scenes had been in that day and walked toward the cars. But when you saw who was waiting, you stopped cold.

          Jensen saw you too and froze. Danneel, however, broke into a grin and closed the distance between the two of them, leaning up to give him a quick kiss on the cheek.

          An unfamiliar roiling feeling in your stomach started and it took everything you had to walk towards them.

          “What are you doing here, babe?” She asked.

          “Uh,” Jensen looked from you to his girlfriend. “I thought I would surprise you.”

          She smiled warmly, intimately. You nearly turned and left right them, but then she turned to you, wrapping her arm around Jensen’s. “YN, this is my boyfriend, Jensen.”

          He seemed frozen, so it was up to you to make the first move and set the tone. “Congratulations, Jense.“ Your words were getting stuck in your throat. "You two make a great couple.”

          “Jense?” Danneel glanced between you and him a few times. “You know each other?”

          “He’s my brother’s best friend,” you answered before Jensen had a chance. “And I was on a few episodes of Supernatural. You caught a good one, Danneel.” Seeing him with someone else hurt, especially someone as amazing and put-together as your costar. You couldn’t stand there and see him with her anymore. “I’ll leave you two alone now. It was good seeing you again, Jensen.”

          “You too,” he replied, and his voice cut right through you.

          Before you could do something stupid—like kiss him—you walked past them and got into your car. The lights of New York passed in a blur as your eyes started to sting.

_You gonna cry? Cry like a little bitch?_

          You managed to hold it together until you were locked in your apartment. Then the waterworks came and you slid down the wall as you sobbed.

          You thought you were fine. You thought you’d moved on. But seeing him…

_‘I can’t say no to you.’_

_‘I might take advantage of that one day.’_

_‘I’ll be waiting.’_

          You were choking on your cries. His voice wasn’t supposed to haunt you. You weren’t supposed to hear him in your head. Desperate, you grabbed a bottle of whiskey from your shelf. Anything to make this go away.

          You took your first drink and wished for D and Todd’s voices to come back. You could handle those.

* * *

          “Y/N?” Genevieve answered your call.

          “How do you get over it?” You asked, laying on your bed and staring at your ceiling. Your brain was clouded with alcohol, but you didn’t have anyone here to stop you from drinking and dialing.

          “Get over what?” There was a slight pause. “Wait, are you drunk?”

          “A little,” you confessed, glancing at the empty bottle of whiskey. “How do you get over a broken heart, Gen?”

          “Oh, Y/N…”

          “I saw him today. He’s dating my costar. What are the odds of that happening?” Tears still leaked from your eyes. “Why does it hurt so much?”

_Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about!_

          A strange sense of relief filled you when Todd’s voice came back. It reminded you who you were. It cut through your drunkenness with a bolt of clarity.

          “Y/N, I know it’s hard but—“

          "Actually, Gen. You know what? I’m drunk. I’m not gonna remember this in the morning. I’ll be fine. And you know what else? I’m happy for him,” you lied. “He deserves the best. He deserves someone like Danneel.” That wasn’t a lie. “Just—just forget I called.”

          “Y/N—“

          "Don’t tell Jared I called, okay? I gotta go. Early call tomorrow.” You hung up and tossed your phone onto the floor.

          Why had you called her?

          You’d been doing so good at keeping your problems to yourself for the last six months. Working through them on your own, and with your therapist. And now you went and ruined Jared’s life again. She would tell him, you knew that. Because they were good together. They had a healthy relationship with no secrets.

          You finally stopped crying and just lay there, staring at the ceiling. Slowly, you retreated into yourself until all of the hurt and heartbreak was replaced by the empty void you had mastered over two decades earlier.

* * *

          Your alarm went off less than an hour after you finally managed to get to sleep. Head pounding, heart broken, and face painted with dry tears, you knew that you couldn’t film today. You couldn’t face Danneel and act like nothing was wrong. Like you weren’t jealous that she had Jensen and you didn’t.

          So you called the director. “This is Frank.”

          “Hey Frank, it’s Y/N.” Your voice cracked and shook. “I’m not gonna make it in today.”

          It took a minute for that to sink in. “Are you okay? Do I need to send a doctor over?”

          “Not sick. I just… I need a personal day.”

          “We’re on a really ti—”

          “Tight schedule, I know,” you pinched the bridge of your nose. “Look, Frank. You’ve worked with me on four movies now. Have I ever asked for a day off? For anything? I’ll be in tomorrow. But I’m just asking for this one day. Please.”

          He considered your request for a moment before finally giving in.

          You rolled over in bed with the full intention of going back to sleep. But your thoughts turned to how many times in the last year you had asked for a day off or had to move scenes around to accommodate your personal life. Right off the bat, you could think of three days while filming Supernatural.

          Your personal life was interfering with your career.

          You were losing your touch.

* * *

          Around nine, someone knocked on your door. You considered ignoring it, but then they knocked again.

          You yanked the door open, ready to tell whoever was interrupting your day to fuck off, but your words froze in your throat.

_Jensen._

          “Hey, Y/N,” he greeted. His hands were stuffed in his pockets. “We need to talk.”

          “No.” Your response was immediate. “No we really don’t.”

          You started to close your door, knowing that if he stayed any longer, you would cave in, but Jensen stepped into the doorway. “Yes. We do. About yesterday.”

          “Look, we _really_  don’t have to talk. You moved on and Danneel’s great. I’m happy for y—“

          Suddenly, Jensen’s lips were on yours, swallowing your words. Your body reacted instantly, waking up and pressing into Jensen’s. He walked you backwards into your apartment and closed the door without ever breaking the kiss.

          Jensen’s arms wrapped tightly around you set everything right. The fuzzy edges of your life solidified.

_Danneel._

          You pushed him away. "Jense, we can’t do th—”

          “Friends with benefits. That’s all Danneel and I were,” he interrupted, reading your mind. “I thought I’d give your way of relationships a try. Danneel and I talked last night. She knows about us. I promise, everything is good.”

          He stroked the side of your face, eyes captivating yours and making it difficult to think of another reason why he should leave.

          “Look,” he whispered. “I know this probably isn’t a good idea. I know you have your reasons for breaking up with me, even if you won’t tell me. And I know there are complicated… emotions here. But I don’t care right now. I just want you, YN. We can deal with the feelings later but I need you now.”

          You surged up on your toes and crashed your lips into his, throwing logic to the wind. It had been a long six months without him, you were emotionally strung out, and suddenly he was standing right in front of you, begging for you? You couldn’t say no, and you didn’t want to. So you gripped his shoulders, going higher on your toes to kiss him deeper. You were completely surrounded by all things Jensen, and for the first time in a long time you felt like you could breathe.


	15. Chapter 15

          “I miss you,” you whispered a while later. Your head was pillowed on Jensen’s bare chest and you weren’t sure if he was still awake or not. It had been nearly half an hour since either of you had spoken, but you couldn’t keep those words in any longer.

          His arm flexed around your shoulders, pulling you tight against his body for a second. “I miss you too.”

          The ball was in your court. You were the one who had broken up with him. He was the one who knocked on your door this morning. It was clear what Jensen wanted.

          Now it was your turn.

          “I’m sorry for how I broke up with you.” You stared at the light filtering in through your blinds as you tried to find the right words. “You deserved a better explanation than the one I gave you.”

          “Then explain it to me now,” he challenged.

          You twisted around and just looked at him for a long moment. He was hurting. You were hurting. You both needed this closure. “Yeah,” you nodded. “Okay.”

          Jensen said nothing as you sat up and pulled a blanket around your shoulders. He scooted until he was sitting back against the headboard.

          You looked away, trying to gather your thoughts. After months of talking things through with your therapist, you understood yourself a lot better. You knew why you had acted as you had after getting your memories back. But finding a starting spot to start explaining to Jensen…

          “I’ve never told anyone that I loved them before. I mean, since  _then_. Since then I haven’t said  _I love you_  to anyone. Not my mom, not Jared…  It wasn’t a problem for my characters to say, because I didn’t mean it. It wasn’t  _me_  saying it. But whenever I would think the words about someone in my own life, I just felt… wrong.  _Now_  I know that it was because  _he_  made me tell him that I loved him. But I never thought anything was different about me. I mean, I didn’t remember anything from back then and it never really occurred to me that I would ever  _want_  to tell anyone that I loved them. In my family, it’s just kinda implied and I’ve never really had that problem with anyone until… until you.”

          You bit your lip as you thought through the rest of your explanation. “That really messed me up and I didn’t even know that I was messed up. I didn’t know that it wasn’t normal to avoid anything real or emotional. I was just so good at it that it came naturally. So with you—“

          You cut off and glanced at Jensen. He was watching you with clear, open eyes. This was more of an explanation that he had expected and you knew he was biting his tongue so he wouldn’t say the wrong thing that would make you stop talking.

          So you kept going.

          “I got scared. There were so many things going on that I didn’t have control over. I was growing closer to Jared, Gen, the boys. I could feel how much the fans meant to you guys and how much they loved you. I was only in one episode when we went to that con and they had already accepted me. There were all of these… these connections. And I didn’t belong in a family like that. I felt wrong.

          “And then there were the memories and nightmares and paranoia and Ralph and you and…” Your words were tumbling over themselves in a rush to get out and into the open. You took a deep breath before continuing. “And then that weekend happened. I yelled at the reporter and I slept with Haden and I talked to D and I just—I didn’t like who I was. So I ran.”

          You had just dumped a shit-ton of information onto Jensen, so you sat in silence for a moment to let him digest everything. If you kept talking, it would turn to confusing babbles. It was better to let Jensen direct the rest of the conversation.

          “You could have talked to me. Jared. Gen…” he said after a few minutes.

          “No,” you shook your head. “I couldn’t have. But I’ve been talking to someone here. I go to therapy every week. I’m—I’m getting better. I needed a clean break and a fresh start and Dr. Rottinger agrees. I’m stronger than you guys thought I was. But with all the worry and rearranging schedules, and constant supervision; I was drowning. I couldn’t deal with my own problems because I was worried about you guys. I was worried that I was ruining your lives and—“

          “You weren’t ruining our lives, Y/N.”

          “Yes, I was. You just couldn’t see it. If I hadn’t left when I did, we would have burned out and it wouldn’t have been pretty. Sure, I didn’t exactly leave the best way, but I had to, Jense.”

          He didn’t believe you, but he was trying to understand. That was what mattered. Then he sat forward with his elbows on his knees. “Why’d you sleep with him?”

          “I wanted to hurt you,” you answered immediately and softly. This had been a deeply confusing topic to untangle during your sessions with Dr. Rottinger. Trying to explain it to Jensen wouldn’t be easy.

          “You, what?”

          “I didn’t know it at the time. In that moment, I was angry and confused and Haden was there and it just happened. But deep down, I knew that I would have to hurt you if you were ever going to let me go.” You moved until you were sitting next to him, both of you leaning back against the headboard. You turned your head and looked across the foot and a half of space separating you two. “It’s still no excuse, though.”

          “No… it’s not,” Jensen agreed softly.

          Silence fell again as you both got lost in your thoughts.

          You didn’t know what you wanted. Did you want Jensen to decide that the truth of how messed up you were was too much, and for him to get on with his life? Or did you want him to forgive you and…and… and what? Put you in the position to break his heart again?

          Leaving had been the right thing to do. You knew that without a doubt. Getting back together with Jensen might be a mistake.

          His phone started ringing, breaking the silence. After a moment of searching the floor for his jeans, Jensen found the phone and ignored the call.

          “Who was that?” you asked softly, knowing that you didn’t have any right to ask, but unable to stop yourself.

          “It was an alarm. I have a flight to catch in a few hours.”

          “Oh.” He got in last night and was leaving this morning. Considering that he hadn’t known that you would be here, that could only mean one thing. “Right.” You pulled the blanket tighter around your shoulders and curled in on yourself slightly. “You should probably get ready, then.”

          His forehead wrinkled and he came to sit on the edge of the bed. “What just happened? One minute you’re open and telling me everything and the next you’re walled off again.”

          “You and Danneel make a great couple. She’s an amazing woman, Jense.”

          “What are you—we’re just friends. I told you that.”

          “You didn’t know I was here. Which means that you flew all the way from Vancouver to New York just to spend a few hours with  _her_. I hope—I hope today didn’t ruin things with her for you. You’re lucky to have her.”

          You stood and started walking to the bathroom, needing to be alone to deal with everything you were feeling.

          But Jensen jumped up and grabbed your arm to stop your retreat. “It’s not like that, Y/N. Danneel’s my friend. I was a wreck after you left me. She’d just gone through a bad breakup when we ran into each other and decided to be each other’s rebounds. That’s it, Y/N. I told her last night that you were the girl I was trying to get over and when she heard that you weren’t coming to set today, she told me come over here. So if you think you’re ruining my relationship with her, or that she’s gonna find out that we slept together and hate you, don’t think that.”

          You stood there, in the middle of your room, staring at each other for a long minute. He was telling the truth. He and Danneel were just friends. You’d been in enough relationships like theirs to know he wasn’t lying.

          “Where does that leave us, then?” you whispered.

          His hand slid down your arm and grabbed yours. “I don’t know.”

          “We probably shouldn’t decide right now. There’s a lot to think about.”

          Jensen took a step closer. “I’m scared that if I leave, you’ll overthink everything and we won’t get a second chance.”

          “What if… what if I promise to come visit you and Jared when I’m done shooting? We can figure everything out then. That’s two weeks to figure out what we each want.”

          Jensen thought that over before nodding. You slid your hand up his chest and around the back of his neck, slowly pulling him down for a kiss. Jensen drew the kiss out, squeezing your hand.

          “You should get dressed. You have a plane to catch.”

* * *

          Your finger hovered over the call button on Jared’s contact profile. Jensen left three hours ago and you couldn’t stop thinking about him and your family. For the last six months, you’d been just fine on your own. Figuring out your life by yourself was enough for you.

          But Jensen had changed that.

          Taking the coward’s way out, you moved your thumb and pressed the message button. Rationalizing your decision, you thought that Jared might be filming a scene and wouldn’t be able to answer his phone anyway.

           **Y/N:**   _What’re you doing in two weeks?_

          His response was immediate.

          **Jared:** _Hopefully meeting you at the airport in Vancouver._

          Jensen must have called him and given him a heads up. You hadn’t spoken with any of your family for six months, beyond a few texts here and there when they tried to get in touch with you. There was no reason Jared would assume you were visiting unless he’d been told.

           **Y/N:** _I’ll give you my flight info when I book_.

           **Jared:**   _Looking forward to it. Love you._

          Your eyes remained on the last two words of his message for a good minute. Dr. Rottinger had told you time and time again that recovery was made up of baby steps. The only way you would get over what happened in the past was to slowly move past it.

          So you took a deep breath and typed a response. This wasn’t a baby step. It was a giant leap, but you could handle it.

          **Y/N:**   _Love you too._


	16. Chapter 16

          “You got everything?” Danneel asked, looking around your apartment once more for anything you might need while you visited everyone in Vancouver.

          “I left some stuff at Jared’s too, so I’m sure I’ll be fine.” You paced back and forth by the foot of your bed, popping slices of pepperoni into your mouth. You weren’t exactly sure where they had come from, all that you knew was that you were nervous and you needed something to snack on, and the pepperonis had been in your fridge. That was good enough for you.

          Danneel sat on your bed. “Calm down. It’s gonna be fine. He’s so in love with you that you have nothing to worry about.”

          “That’s what I’m worried about!” You exclaimed. Danneel tilted her head and eyed you like you were out of your mind. You backed away and stuffed another pepperoni in your mouth. “It’s complicated.”

          “Then un-complicate it, Y/N. What do you want?”

          “For Jensen to be happy.”

          “No.” She stood up and took your shoulders in her hands, forcing you to look straight at her. For some reason, you suddenly felt like she was going to impart some wise wisdom to help you on your quest. Her eyes drilled into yours. “What do  _you_  want?”

          “Jensen,” you whispered reflexively, not thinking at all.

          She grinned and let go of you. “There’s your answer.”

          “It’s not that easy, Da—“

          “Yes it is, Y/N.” She glanced out the window. “Your cab’s here. Let’s get you on your way.”

          “Danneel, I—“

          She shoved a suitcase in your hands. “You’ll text me when you land, right?”

          “I don’t think you unders—“

          Without waiting for you, she walked out of your apartment with your other suitcase and approached the cab driver, telling him which airport you were going to. There was a flurry of motion and it seemed like in the next second, your suitcases were in the trunk, you were in the backseat, and Danneel was leaning down to look at you through the open door.

          “Everything is gonna work out, Y/N. Remember: you want him. It’s that simple.”

          The next thing you knew, Danneel was nothing more than a figure waving in the distance as the cab pulled away.

          “What the hell just happened?”

          The cab driver chuckled. “Your friend sure does know how to get everyone moving.”

          You looked down and saw that you were somehow still holding the package of pepperoni, despite the confusion that just happened. “Danneel freakin’ Harris, everybody.”

* * *

          Jared was easy to spot, even trying to blend in as he did. You rushed over and threw your arms around him, hugging him tightly. It wasn’t until you were actually hugging him that you realized just how much you had missed Jared hugs. He wrapped his whole body around you like a safety blanket. You didn’t let go for a few minutes.

          “Are you trying to squeeze the life out of me?” he joked.

          You just held on tighter. “Believe it or not, but I actually missed you.”

          He chuckled. “I believe it. C’mon, let’s get you home and you can tell me all about New York.”

          While waiting for your luggage, no fewer than three people recognized either you, Jared, or both of you and asked for autographs or pictures. But when it was just the two of you in the car, you told him about the few sights you’d seen while shooting the movie in New York. You told him some stories about Danneel, ignoring his curious looks. You kept to the light stuff, figuring you could tell him the heavy stuff when he wasn’t behind the wheel of a car.

          Jared brought you up-to-date on Gen and the boys, your family, what he’d been up to over hiatus, shooting the beginning of season 13, and everything you had missed while sequestering yourself on the East Coast. By that time, you’d arrived at the house and Jared made a beeline for the kitchen, leaving your bag in the entryway. You followed suit.

          “Gen’s in Texas with the boys, but she gave me her recipe… we thought you might want some of her hot white chocolate.”

          You took a mug from him and went into the living room, touched at the thoughtfulness of your brother and sister-in-law. You each sat on opposite ends of the couch with your feet on the cushion between you two and Jared’s eyes grew serious. “Jensen never told me why you two broke up. But he was a mess, Y/N.”

          Squeezing your eyes closed, you tried to imagine him ever letting you back into his life.

_You want him. It’s that simple_.

          “I cheated on him,” you muttered, setting the half-full mug on the side table.

          “What?” Whatever answer he’d been expecting, that wasn’t it. You gave him a brief summary of everything that had happened that weekend before diving right into what you’d learned about yourself at therapy. Unlike Jensen, Jared didn’t stay quiet. He asked questions for clarification and told you about his own experiences with depression. By the time you’d gotten through everything, four hours had passed and the rest of your hot cocoa had grown cold.

          Jared narrowed his eyes and tilted his head, studying you. You could tell there was a question running through his mind.

          “What is it?” You asked.

          “D. You said you’re still talking to her?”

          After taking a deep breath, you started your explanation. “Yeah. Through letters. You know, snail mail. She’s not following me around anymore. J, she’s a victim too. She was  _his_  victim too. She just… doesn’t realize that she’s a victim. Keeping in contact with her has helped me. She… she  _explains_  some things. It helps me see how I’m different from her. And I hope I’m helping her too.”

          A few more minutes passed and the conversation wound down. Jared helped you bring your bags to the apartment then he pulled you into another hug. “Is it okay if I invite Jense over for breakfast?”

_It’s that simple_.

          “Yeah. Yeah, I think that’ll be good.” You nodded and took a step backwards, toward your room. “But I’m not setting an alarm and I’m definitely sleeping in.”

          “That’s fine,” Jared grinned mischievously. “I’ll just send him in to wake you up when the food’s ready.”

          You let out a noise that was somewhere between a huff of breath and a laugh. “Okay, Jared.”

          “And Y/N?” He stopped you before you could retreat to the bedroom. “You know that you can talk to me anytime, right? About anything?”

          Hearing some of his own struggles and how he overcame them tonight had helped you. You nodded. “I know, J. And I probably will.”

          A soft smile crossed his face. “Good. Love you. Sleep well.”

          You opened your mouth to repeat his words, but they stuck in your throat. So you copped out. “G’night.”

* * *

          The squeaking of a door drew you out of sleep and you languidly rolled over to see who was coming in. It had been months since you’d gotten a full night’s sleep and you felt amazing.

          Then you saw who came into your room and a sense of peace trickled through your bloodstream. Those bright green eyes that captivated you so often pierced through the dim room, and those lips that made you forget you were filming a scene the first time you kissed them curled into a hesitant smile.

_It’s that simple_.

          “Morning,” Jensen whispered. He left the door open a crack. “Jared told me to wake you up.”

          “I’ll have to thank him,” you mumbled, still half-asleep.

          “What was that?” He asked, taking a step forward.

          “Nothing,” you shook your head, trying to shake the sleep from your brain as well. “Good morning.”

          He was nervous, you could tell. He wasn’t sure where he stood with you. “So, uh. Breakfast is ready. I’ll let you finish waking up.

_It’s that simple._

          “Jensen, wait!” You scrambled out of your bed, nearly falling out in your haste. Once you were upright, you walked over, stopping a few feet in front of him. “You didn’t want to leave New York because you thought it would give me too much time to overthink and make things complicated. I… well I don’t really wanna spend an awkward breakfast because we don’t know where we stand with each other. So let’s… let’s make this simple and let’s do it now. Do you want to give us a second chance: yes or no?”

          The air grew heavier between you two as you waited for his answer. It wasn’t only you who had time to think the last two weeks. Jensen could have changed his mind as well. And you wouldn’t blame him if he did. But you hoped to God that he didn’t.

          “What do you want me to say, Y/N?” He asked softly.

          Your heart dropped slightly. He hadn’t said yes right away.

_That doesn’t mean he won’t still say yes._

          “I want you to tell me what you want. Your answer won’t change mine.” Your eyes were locked onto his. “I promise.”

          “I want you,” he whispered.

          The breath you’d been holding came out in a rush. “Oh, thank God.”

          Without warning, you wrapped your arm around the back of his neck and kissed him with all of the emotion you’d been holding back for the last six months. It took him a second to respond, but he recovered quickly, crushing you into his body.

          A muffled victorious whoop from the hallway made both you and Jensen grin. You looked over Jensen’s shoulder at the partially open door. “Stop eavesdropping, Jared!”

          “I just came to tell you guys that the food’s getting cold.” He peeked his head into the room. “Come eat then get outta here. I don’t wanna see you two macking on each other all day.”

          He left, but only after pushing the door open all the way. Jensen cradled the back of your head, bringing you back in for another kiss. His lips moved slowly over yours, drawing out every breath until there was nothing except Jensen and you.

          After a few minutes, you pulled back and rested your forehead on his. “You know that I’m still learning how to deal with everything, right? It’s not gonna be easy—“

          “Simple, Y/N. Simple right now. We’ll talk complicated after breakfast.” He gave you a quick kiss. “Besides, I know what I’m getting into. And I’m all in. Now kiss me, Padalecki.”

          And so you did.

* * *

          “I’ve heard you say that you feel a personal connection to Quinn. More so than to any of your past characters. I was wondering why that is?”

          You took a moment to think over the question before lifting the mic to your lips.

          You signed a contract for a recurring role on the show, and Quinn was quickly becoming a fan favorite. That and your relationship to Jared ensured you a place at all of the cons and in most of the J2 panels for a few minutes. It was getting easier to be around the fans and accept their love.

          “Good question. I’ve actually thought about this a lot. I’ve always liked that Quinn’s this badass, independent woman who doesn’t back down from a fight. I mean, she lost her last family member in the first episode she was in and barely flinched when she learned about all the monsters out there in the dark. She didn’t let that beat her down. She faced it head on and learned and became a damn good hunter. I really admire that about her.

          “But that wasn’t really me, you know? I’m a rom-com star. Supernatural was the first fight scenes I ever filmed. Why the hell would I relate this amazingly strong character? But recently I realized that I relate to Quinn because of what happened to me when I was young. You’ve all seen the articles, I’m sure. Quinn learned about the monsters in the world, and I recently did too. I remembered all sorts of things and while Quinn lost her little sister, I lost my… my innocence, I guess you could say.”

          You glanced over at Jared and saw him watching you with concerned eyes.

          “But Quinn made it through. And so did I.” His eyes softened and you smiled at him before looking back at the audience. “I relate to Quinn because she’s real. You can see her going through the toughest time in her life, you see her vulnerability, and you see her fighting. She’s learned that it’s okay not to be okay. Because even if you’re not okay, you’ll still survive. You’ll make it through. I mean, that’s what this show is all about, right? You gotta Always Keep Fighting.”

          As the crowd cheered at your mention of Jared’s campaign, you let out a long breath. That was one of the most personal things you’d ever shared with anyone except family and close friends, and it wasn’t as hard as you thought it would be.

          Jared and Jensen shared a few teasing comments to give you time to recover before they brought up the next fan to ask a question. The mood lightened in the room.

          “My question’s for Jensen or Y/N. So, we know how Jensen and Jared met. And obviously we know how Jared and Y/N met. How did you two meet?”

          You and Jensen shared a small smile, remembering the first scene you filmed together. But you took charge of this question. “Jensen and I met a few times over the years. Parties Jared would drag me to, or in passing a few times I came to visit Jared for a few days in Vancouver when I finished a movie. But it wasn’t really until I went to set to read with some of the cast that Jensen and I actually talked beyond small talk. I’m not ashamed to admit that I kinda had a celebrity crush on him.”

          “That’s embarrassing,” Jensen muttered out of the side of his mouth, sending a wave of laughter through the audience. “You should have seen her the first time we met. I thought she was about to faint because she was so excited. I mean, I know I’m hot stuff, but I’m just a person too, you know?”

          “Oh shut up,” Jared shoved Jensen’s shoulder, nearly pushing him off his stool. “You totally had a celebrity crush on my little sister too.”

          Jensen glanced at you and you just grinned. “Actually, I think it might be a little more than just a celebrity crush…”

          There was a beat of silence when you raised your left hand, wiggling your fingers so the stage lights could catch the new diamond on your ring finger. Then, when everyone realized what had happened, they went completely nuts, yelling their congratulations and cheering.

          Right there in the middle of the stage with dozens of phones recording every moment, you and Jensen shared your first public, unscripted kiss. And it still took your breath away.


End file.
